Page 62 of His Build

“He goes out in his canoe when he has to think something through. He adores architecture and has a whole stack of books filled with the ones he’d love to work with.”

Lucy’s eyes met Sadie’s. “He’s like you—he knows exactly how to make me laugh.”

Sadie feigned indignation. “You mean someone else isfunnierthan me?”

Lucy smiled. “It’s different. You both make me laugh, in different ways.”

Sadie slid down on the bed and propped her head in her hand. “What does he look like? I can’t even picture him.”

Lucy pulled out her phone and opened her photo album. She swiped through a few photos of the build and landed on one of Graydon holding a level on the sheathing the day the siding was going in. She turned her phone to her sister.

“Which one is he?” Sadie asked. “I see two absolute babes.”

Lucy took the phone back, confused. Then she saw she had pulled up a photo that also happened to catch Chris, who seemed to like getting his photo taken even less than Graydon, sitting on an overturned crate off to the side, writing in a ledger.

Lucy pointed to Graydon. “That’s him.”

“He’s definitely foxy,” Sadie said.

“He is. But it’s like he doesn’t know it, you know? He’s a quiet, gentle man who could carry a whole tree.” Lucy remembered Sam asking her if she’d ever seen him do that. She swore he probably could. He would, if she asked him. Before she messed it all up. She choked back something like a sob.

Lucy tossed her phone back down on the bed and barely noticed when Sadie picked it up again, inspecting the photo.

“He never shaves enough,” Lucy said, hardly able to keep her voice steady now. “He wouldn’t know a comb if it slapped him in the face. He has a scar, right here—” Lucy ran her finger along her own jaw, “—from when he was in a car accident with his parents, who were killed.” She swallowed down the thickness in her throat. “He blames himself for the accident,” she whispered, sitting up straighter. “He didn’t say that, but I know, I can tell. And he doesn’t let himself get too close to people because he thinks he’ll lose them—”

Sadie smiled sadly. And this time Lucy understood. Sadie knew what Lucy hadn’t figured out from the beginning.

“Oh my god,” she whispered. “I did the exact thing he was scared of. I disappeared, right when he opened up to me.”

Sadie pinched her lips but didn’t say anything. She placed Lucy’s phone down on her bed.

Lucy jumped up, sloshing coffee on her hand. She barely noticed. “Sadie, I stabbed him right in the heart.” She clapped her free hand over her mouth. “I’m a horrible person.”

“Lucy,” Sadie said. “I think you’re missing something here. Yes, you got him bad. But did you ever stop to think you might want to be with him too?”

“What? No, I…” Lucy trailed off.

Sadie studied her for a moment. “You’re in love with him, Lucy.”

“I’m not in love with him,” she whispered. “I’m not.”

But a tear rolled down her cheek, and she felt the bricks in the wall she’d built around herself begin to crumble. She sat back down on the bed. “I can’t be in love with him,” she whispered. “I have the perfect life.”

“You do, you’re right.” Sadie said. “But are you happy here? Are you fully content with your life?”

“Maybe, I don’t know. I mean, I should be. I made everything just the way I wanted here. And I don’tneeda man to make me happy.”

“I didn’t ask if you needed him to make you happy. I asked if you were happy here. It’s not a personal failing to be in love, you know.”

Lucy looked at her little sister. “What am I going to do, move up to Barkley Falls? You know what happened to Mom when she moved with Stan to Coombes.”

“Lucy, you’re not Mom. And Graydon is not Stanley. Mom had her own problems. She thought she needed a man to build her life around. Youknowyou don’t. You get to choose what you’re doing with your life, Lucy. For god’s sake, you taught me that.”

Lucy sat there stunned. Sadie was right. She had built her life so carefully around herself she’d made it a shell. She hadn’t understood being with someone didn’t have to take away from anything.

“What have I done?” she whispered.

“You fucked it up, Sis,” Sadie said. “But it’s not beyond saving.”

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