Page 66 of His Hot Mess

After a long hug where we both cried into each other’s shoulders, I pulled away, wiping at my eyes. “I do need to get back to the store at some point in the next couple of hours. I have a ton of set up to do still.”

“You meanwehave a ton of set up to do.”

I smiled. Thank god for Lucy.

After she helped me decide between two tables, I told her to go back to the truck while I settled up. After confirming the staff could load everything in the truck for us, I flagged the clerk down. I needed one more thing.

CHRIS

It was idiotic of me to come. I should start my truck back up and drive back home. There were a million reasons why I shouldn’t be here, not least of which because this necktie was choking the shit out of me. I hadn’t worn it since moving to Jewel Lakes.

The suit, either. It was tight across the shoulders—I’d bulked up since the last time I had it on, when I was pretty much only at a desk.

I was unhealthy back then. The realization came to me with some surprise. I’d spent a lot of time dwelling on the past over the past three years but not all that much on being in the office, or my general state of well-being. All I remembered was being satisfied with my life. Set. Everything in its place.

But had I really been?

My mom had called me earlier today, asking me how I was doing. She’d been worried, she said, but didn’t want to bother me. I realized with my head being so messed up over Sadie I’d completely blanked on calling her the week before.

I’d answered honestly.

“I don’t know, Mom.”

I heard a sharp intake of breath on the other end of the phone. I could tell this was alarming for her. Fair enough when I never said anything but “I’m fine.” She usually had to pry the truth out of me with a verbal crowbar.

“Chris? Honey? What is it? Why did you miss our call? Are you hurt?

The truth was, I’d been doing perfectly fine, up until a month ago. Better than I had been for years.

Now that I was in this suit again, it was like I was transported back to that little office in the strip mall in my hometown. I thought it was so great, running my own business, but mostly I sat at a computer. Bought donuts for my assistant so I’d seem like a nice boss—and so I could look forward to donuts. Ate the same bagged lunch I packed for myself and for Jess every morning.

These days I still had desk work, but it was a third of my time or less. The rest of the time I was at job sites, and not just standing around either. I couldn’t let Graydon be the only one rolling up his sleeves and joining in with the sub-trades. Plus, I went for a run every other morning around the lake; cross-country skiing in the winter when the trails were snowed over.

I was in a better place now, in a lot of ways.

So why did I feel so shitty?

I readjusted the tie in the mirror for the hundredth time before clapping the stupid sun visor back up to the ceiling, plunging me into the darkness of the cab of my truck. I’d parked a few blocks away from Sadie’s store, next to Aubrey’s, because I didn’t want anyone seeing me pull up in case I wanted to take off again. I seriously considered it for a minute.

I felt shitty because I was fighting myself over Sadie. I was waging a fucking battle inside of me, and I was sick of it. Which is why, when Graydon suggested I should come to this thing—Sadie’s store opening—I’d only told him no once.

“You said you didn’t want to mess up Grayscale’s business by getting involved with her, but that ship’s already sailed, buddy,” Graydon said earlier this week. “If you don’t show up to this thing, it’s going to be weird. You told me yourself Charles Haverford could be looking for a ton of work on his commercial units. That’s why you wanted Sadie’s job in the first place, remember?”

I couldn’t tell if Graydon was baiting me into confessing my reasons for wanting that job were less than professional, or if he was being serious. If I knew him, it was probably both.

He was right. Even though Gray was going to be here too, if I was going to step up to partner, I needed to come to things like this. They were like the barbecues—fun, apparently, but important for business, too.

“Plus, you designed the place,” Graydon had said. “Don’t you want to see how it turned out? Dean did a fantastic job.”

Charles. Dean. I’m ashamed to say that in the end, that was what clinched me going. Thinking about the two of them at Sadie’s shop, each of them handsome and charming. Buzzing around her like vultures.

That wasn’t fair. They were both good guys, as far as I knew. But thinking of them like thatwasmotivating.

Through the plate-glass window, I saw a couple of high school kids canoodling over a milkshake in the back booth as I got out of my truck.

I scowled, shoving my hands in my suit jacket pockets as I start to walk.

That used to be me and Jess. We were that couple in high school,Most likely to get married.

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