Page 76 of His Hot Mess

“Forget Lucy!” Graydon interjected. “What about me?”

As Lucy mock-shoved Graydon, the crowd laughed, me along with them, grateful for the minor break in tension—even if it was just for a moment before I descended into nerves again.

“I don’t care as much about what Graydon thinks,” Chris said. “I know he loves me.”

More laughter.

I cleared my throat as the room went silent again.

“Anyway, I’m not sure if Lucy’s forgiven me. But I will say she forgave me at least enough to indulge me and let me talk to you about why I missed the rehearsal dinner last night.”

My mouth went dry as Chris turned his face just slightly toward me, his mouth twisting in that little smile. Anyone else might have thought he was looking to the side of the barn.

But I saw it.

“I missed the rehearsal dinner last night because I was messed up about a woman.”

The crowd oohed.

“I met this woman not too long after Graydon met Lucy—around a year ago. But unlike Graydon, I didn’t know I loved her the first moment I saw her. Unlike Graydon, I didn’t fall over my ass when I first saw this woman and profess my instant, undying love for her then.”

Again, the crowd laughed. He had them wrapped around his finger.

He hadmethere, too.

“It wasn’t because she wasn’t beautiful,” he went on. “Because she is. She takes my breath away. It wasn’t because she didn’t make me want to spend every second with her, because I did—I do. I thought I was too lost to know what love is. But really, I was too scared. I’d loved once before, and I got hurt. I didn’t want to go through that again. My friends, I was a chicken.”

More laughter, along with a smattering of chicken sounds. Chris waited until they died away.

“But still, somehow, I’m the luckiest sonofabitch there is—or at least, as lucky as Graydon here. I got to be close to her. It was only for a short time, but hell, it was all it took. She knocked everything I thought I knew about love out of me.”

He paused, for effect. “You would think my story would end there. Maybe it could have. But I’m not Graydon. I didn’t do all the right things and win the perfect girl.”

Next to me, Graydon and Lucy leaned into each other, their hands entwined on her lap. But I barely noticed. I felt shaky, my heart like a living thing in my chest, beating, flying, fluttering like a caged bird.

“I did all the wrong things,” Chris said into the mic. “I didn’t tell her how I felt. I didn’t stay by her side when I said I would.

I should have.

I should have told her whatever happened to me in the past didn’t matter and had no bearing on the future. I should have looked ahead. To her.”

I took in a long, shaky breath.

Chris hesitated. He stood stiffly, then ran a hand through his hair. “If I were more like Graydon, I would have opened my heart up from the beginning. I don’t know if she would have loved me back but I could hope. It would have been a lot easier, and fairer, than hurting her too.”

He took a breath. “I missed the reception last night because I was a chicken once more. I hadn’t yet figured out that, like Graydon, I’d been given a gift. But unlike Graydon, I’d squandered it.”

He looked back at our table, squarely this time. “Graydon, I love you, man. I look to you as a model of how to do work and how to do life. And now, with Lucy, I can see how to do love too.”

His eyes lingered on mine, and for a moment, the silence in the giant space made me feel like it was just the two of us here. If his expression could speak, I knew it would sayForgive me.

When Chris turned back to the crowd, hot tears began to spill down my cheeks.

“Folks, if you love someone here tonight, be like Graydon. Tell them now, and never let them forget it. Hold on to them, and never let them go. Look forward into your future. And don’t be a chicken like me.”

The crowd erupted into cheers, and when I turned to Lucy and Graydon, they were both teary-eyed, holding onto each other with their hands on each other’s cheeks.

Chris pointed two fingers at the DJ and the sensual tones of Let’s Get it On by Marvin Gaye blared out across the open floor. Graydon and Lucy stood up and strode out onto the dance floor, followed by the rest of the crowd, pushing chairs from tables and spreading out across the dance floor in front of us.

---