Page 77 of His Hot Mess

I walked towards Chris, who was lowering a glass of water onto the table, his back still to me.

“Great speech,” I said.

He turned to face me. We were still several feet apart.

“I had an entirely different one planned.”

“How did that one go.”

“It was good. Really good. But not all that inspired.”

“And this one was?”

“Yes. By you.”

My heart pounded, my lungs sucking in air like I’d never breathed before.

“What did you mean by looking forward?” I asked.

“I meant I was tired of looking backward. I thought at first that I was tired of dwelling in the life I’d lost. But when I thought about it… I realized that wasn’t true.”

Chris took another step forward. “Last night, I took the photo album of me and Jessica down to the beach and I burned it. I watched it turn to ash.”

I swallowed. “You didn’t have to do that.”

“Yes I did. I know it sounds dramatic, but it needed to happen. I’d been hanging onto those photos not to relive happy memories but to punish myself for something that had to end. Sadie, I didn’t lose that life. It had run its course. I just didn’t know it until I met you. It had to run its course to make way for this.”

“What’sthis?” I whispered.

He took another step. We were close now, within touching distance.

“Us. And the rest of our lives. If you’ll have me.” Chris’s voice cracked. “I love you Sadie Fulham. More than anything or anyone before you. More than anyone after you, if you were to say no.”

“You can’t know that.”

“Let’s not test it out.”

I stood there a moment and then reached out and ran my fingers along his cheek. He closed his eyes and gripped my hand, holding it there like a lost treasure.

“Please tell me you feel the same way,” he said. “Tell me it’s as real for you as it is for me.”

“It’s real,” I whispered. “It’s the realest thing I’ve ever known.”

And with that he reached down and picked me up. I wrapped my arms around his neck, my feet lifting onto my toes, and kissed him long and deep and slow.

The room felt as if it had lit up, as if we were in a giant bubble rising off the ground.

Noise rose from outside the bubble and I pulled away from Chris, confused. The crowd was cheering and whooping at us, Graydon and Lucy at the front of them all, clapping wildly and whistling.

I laughed, and when Chris wrapped his arms around me next I did lift off the ground. I spun in the air with him, the lights swirling around us.

It was no mistake.

It was magical.

Epilogue

Over the speakers inSadie’s Vintage,Joni Mitchell was singing about California.It was the perfect contrast to the howling wind and blustery January snow coming down outside. It was also comfort music for me. Lucy gave me the album—the actual album on vinyl—for Christmas this year, reminding me that mom used to put it on sometimes when Stan was out and dance with us in the living room to it. I remembered: Lucy and I would spin around, arms wide, while Mom sang along with Joni.

---