Page 130 of Sing For Me

I sing the song I wrote when I was in pain, but I sing it with my heart full. Maybe it’s because of that trueness, that authenticity, that the song goes off without a hitch.

I can’t see the crowd while I sing. But as I sing about the seed falling and surviving, enduring the winter and then finding its sun, I feel them.

And I realize, as I hit the highest notes, that this was what I remembered, this was the thing that lay buried so long. It wasn’t just that I’d make them feel, but that I’d feel too.

When it’s over, the applause is thunderous, the cheers going on for what feels like an hour.

“One take!” the crew exclaims as they come swarming onto the stage, unclipping me and patting me on the back. Someone takes Lenny, promising to get it home to me.

Nancy guides me down to the floor, where I’m crowded with people. All the contestants, brought back for the finale. “Thank you!” Gratitude Cindy says, squeezing me tight as I pass. My staff hug me each in turn, and when I get to Sophie, I ask her if she’s ready to be the boss. “How can I top this?” she asks.

“You’ll make it your own,” I assure her. “And you’ll have someone looking out for you the whole time.” I smile at Rufus, who tips an imaginary hat at me.

I look for Jacques, but he’s arguing with Marcel. Except both of them are smiling. When he looks my way, he waves me away, but not before giving me a nod.

There’s Sophie and Rufus, standing closer than they should be.

I hug Cass, Chelsea, and Seamus. Augusta, wearing herwinnerpin, who hugs me so tight I can’t breathe. Even Kelly, who tells me I’m an inspiration.

But no Eli.

To my surprise, it’s Jude who pulls me aside when I’m leaning on Nora. “Tell her, buddy,” he says, hoisting his son Cap onto his shoulders. Cap is like the darker haired version of his dad—twinkling blue eyes and a handsome little smile. We’ve only met a few times, when Nora’s been looking after him, but he always remembers my name and asks me when he can play with Rufus again. I want to see more of him.

But right now, I need Eli.

“There!” Cap says, pointing behind the crowd.

I can hardly see from here, but just then someone shifts sideways, and I see him. Eli’s at the door of the kitchen, leaning against the doorframe, arms folded. He’s smiling wide, his eyes on me.

My heart grows two whole sizes. “Thanks, Cap.”

Cap grins. “Can we go play in the snow now, Dad?”

“Yeah, buddy. See you guys tonight,” Jude says. And to me, “You were awesome.”

I’m so bewildered by all the attention, I just nod. “Thank you.”

“Nora—” I say finally, throwing my arms around my friend. I want to hold on to her forever. To thank her for encouraging me. For being my friend when I was so lost. For everything.

But when I pull away, she sees the need in my eyes.

“Go,” she whispers, and lifts her camera up again.

Nancy blows a whistle, hollering at the crew. While everyone gravitates to her and the announcement she launches into, I head for the door next to the bar. Eli’s not there anymore, but I know where to find him.

I walk through the empty kitchen, now quiet and dark, save the floor lighting. I can almost hear the clatter of pots and holler of voices echo in my mind. I didn’t appreciate all the noise all the years when I worked in restaurants. But now I realize it was part of what I’ll miss the most.

I think of all the people I served, out on the floor, both here and in all the jobs before. I think of the way my feet hurt when I got home, my ears ringing from the noise.

And I think of the delicious food, the jokes, the high fives and late-night drinks.

This was a good place to say goodbye to this life, I think, as I walk past Rufus’s drawing on the wall.

When I reach my office, the door is ajar, only this time, it’s not because I left it that way.

It’s because when I step inside, I’m not alone.

I find Eli, at my desk, Rufus bounding from his lap.

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