Page 56 of Mess With Me

I was going to demand he tell me everything. But just the mention of that name has that chill spreading further. Maybe there are things I don’t want to know about him. Things that would only serve to make me more terrified than I already am. I don’t want to bury my head in the sand, but I know what it’s like to obsess over things, too. Spin them into a frenzy in my head and fall into a bad place.

I look at the treed hills on the other side in the distance. A few houses are visible, tucked into the woods like Griffin’s.

Could a fake marriage to Griffin actually work to keep Creelman away? I have to admit, the idea of having not just Griffin but a whole company behind me is appealing. And Creelman losing interest would be a best-case scenario. I let out a breath. “How would it work?”

“We’d go to Quince Valley Town Hall on Monday, get a marriage license. I’ll call my boss, let him know what’s going on.”

“Then what? Where would we live?

“Here.”

I turn back around. “What about your work? Mine? My apartment?” I work in a clothing boutique. It’s not exactly a stable career, but I do have a life in New York. Sort of. I think of my barely-friends. My lonely apartment.

My parents on the rare times they visit me, not uttering a single word to each other, but my mother with plenty of words for me.

“You’d need to move in with me, Sasha. I can…put a bed in the shop or something for me. But I’ll take on desk work. Do it from home. We’d probably have to stick it out for a couple of months.”

Griffin’s so close I could touch him. I’m safe with him. I know I am. And I know this plan makes perfect sense, logically speaking. But I still can’t help the knot of uncertainty in my chest. The thought that things are running away from me, that I’m not in control of my own life.

I squeeze the little bird in my hand, feeling the sharpness of its inner un-workings. Once, this was the thing that reminded me that someone was looking out for me.

But Griffin’s the only one actually looking out for me.

“This isn’t what I had planned for myself, you know,” I say, my voice tight in my throat. “I always thought I’d fall in love, have a big, beautiful wedding. I vowed it would be that way. I’d have a real family, where everyone loved and looked out for each other. Do you like babies, Griffin?”

Griffin runs a hand over the back of his neck. “I don’t know.”

I have to laugh at that. “Who doesn’t love babies?”

“I just don’t know what to do with them. They’re so…breakable.”

“So you don’t want kids?”

Griffin scrubs his face. This time I let him. “This isn’t for life, Sasha. It’s only for right now. Just to get Creelman to back off.”

It’s pathetic how that feels like a little kick to the gut. “I know it’s not real. I’m just curious if you want kids someday. I feel like that’s something you should know about the person you’re marrying.” I don’t know why I can’t just let this go and give him an answer. But I’m suddenly very keen to know this about him.

Griffin examines me a moment, then looks down. “I never thought I’d have kids, no.”

Disappointment twists my stomach for no reason at all. It doesn’t matter what either of us wants for the future; we’re not each other’s future.

There’s a couple down on the promenade walking a brown lab. They’re holding hands, laughing as they look at each other, the dog bounding happily along beside them. Going the other way, a woman walks with a little girl who’s skipping as she holds her mom’s hand.

My chest aches. “I always wanted kids.” I shrug. “But maybe it’s just not in the cards for me.” Now why am I fighting off tears?

“Sasha, this isn’t forever. You’ve got plenty of time to have a normal life after…me.”

I don’t know why, but the thought makes me inexplicably sad. “What will you do after me?”

He meets my eye. “I don’t want to think about that, Sasha.”

Maybe it’s his tone, or the way he doesn’t waver as me meets my gaze, but my stomach does a little flip.

“You know, if we still had an audience, people might call that romantic.”

He looks at me a moment too long, then looks away. “I need to be back at my HQ in New York next week with you under my protection. Which means we either need to get to the town hall by next Monday, or we need to come up with a different plan.”

“Forget what I said about you sounding romantic.”

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