Page 10 of Play With Me

My heart cracked painfully. It was now or never. “Jude…” My voice was so soft I could barely hear myself.

“Speak up, Nora. I can’t fucking hear you.”

Hot tears burned in my eyes at the sharp jab. He was lashing out. He knew I was sensitive about speaking softly. Fine. If this is what it took for him to accept what was happening, and for me not to miss him, so be it.

I stuck my chin out, folding my arms tight against my chest. “I’m leaving, Jude.”

“What?” His face paled. He knew this was serious. He looked at me so intensely, with such panic, I swallowed, my mouth dry.

“I’m going to Waldorf College.”

Jude’s eyes widened. “The one in London?”

Jude knew where it was. We’d talked about the Waldorf College in London when my colleague at the library first sent me the email. They were the most prestigious archival school in the world, and they were opening a scholarship program. I’d laughed when I told Jude about it. But he’d shrugged and said maybe they had an archival program here in Vermont. He’d never thought I’d actually apply to Waldorf. Why would he? Nervous, pathetic Nora.

“Yes,” I said. “I applied, and I got in.”

“You didn’t think to tell me?”

Anger rushed through me. “What would you have said, Jude? Would you have cheered me on?”

The way he looked down, I knew he wouldn’t have. And he knew it, too.

Jude lifted his arms and dropped them to the side again. “So that’s it. You’re leaving us. And you want me to, what, reunite with the woman who ruined my life?”

“This isn’t just about you, okay? I’ve spent my whole life hiding behind other people, afraid of what was out there. This is a good opportunity for me.”

“Do you even care about me?”

Now, it was my turn to gape. He hadn’t heard a single thing I’d just said. He was only thinking about himself. My voice was cool when I said, “It’s the best thing for all of us.”

But to my surprise, Jude’s eyes went wet. He looked quickly up into the night sky, away from me, his hands sliding over his hair. “You’re going to break Cap’s heart,” he said, his voice choked.

Not his, just Cap’s. I wasn’t sure why that hurt even more.

“It’s going to be hard, yes, but he’s going to have his mom to focus on. If you hear her out. Will you do that, Jude? For him?”

He said nothing.

I glanced over to the parking lot. Thank God we’d met here and didn’t have to have an awkward ride home. Because I wasn’t going to the dinner anymore, that was for sure. I was going home. My lease was up in a couple of weeks, and I was nearly done packing. I’d stay with a friend from the library until the New Year, then I was getting on a plane and not looking back. At least not until we’d all found our own paths.

“Jude,” I said. He was looking down now, but still not at me. “You get to be happy, you know. You don’t have to eternally punish yourself for whatever it is you think you did wrong. This is your chance at redemption, and you need to take it.”

When he still wouldn’t look at me, there was a sharpness in my chest. I knew then that I’d said what I could.

“I’m going to go now, okay? I leave on New Year’s Eve, so maybe we can see each other a few times before then.”

“New year new you, right?” Jude said, his voice cracking.

I swallowed down my own tears, willing myself not to fall apart until I was alone, in my car, away from him. But the thought occurred to me that maybe he wouldn’t see me again after this.

Maybe this was truly goodbye.

I walked around so I was facing him. I was going to give him a hug, even if he didn’t hug me back. I was going to kiss him on the cheek and remember the feel of him close to me. I reached up and placed my hands on my best friend’s shoulders. But when I closed my eyes and leaned in, it wasn’t his cheek my lips hit.

It was his lips—warm and full against mine.

For a moment, time seemed to stand still. Then Jude’s hands rose to my waist, pulling me close.

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