Page 13 of Play With Me

This is why I love Sasha Macklin. She’s silly, fun-loving, has an infectious laugh and is flirtatious with men and women, only not aggressively—she just makes everyone feel special. She brightens up my life, just like Jude did.

Only, aside from my favorite snacks and how to make me laugh, she doesn’t know me like he does.

No one does.

“When do your parents get in?” I ask. I just need to keep her distracted while I figure out what to do.

Except as I watch her, all I can see is Jude. While Sasha chats about how her travel-agent sister booked their flights and a whole Christmas itinerary throughout the Scotland Highlands over the holidays, her arms gesticulate elaborately the way they always do when she starts talking. And my mind goes straight back to my best friend. The truth is, I miss him so badly that sometimes I stare at his name on my phone, my thumbs hovering over the messages he sent when I first got here.

He’s given up on me responding the way I used to though. My last message from him was from a month ago, when he asked without preamble or niceties if I was coming home for Christmas. When I told him I was staying in London, he didn’t say anything else. I’ve read the message a thousand times, as if looking at it might change it.

The only time I find out about what’s going on with him now is during my weekly video chats with Cap. The calls were my promise to my favorite little guy when we said goodbye.

Cap’s grown so much over the past year; I swear, he’s a different boy each time I see him. Jude never joins us on the chats, though sometimes he’ll walk by in the background, or Cap will talk to him off-screen.

Each time feels like a tiny cut.

But things are better like this. Maybe, after Jude’s happily settled down with Cap’s mom—or if that doesn’t work out, some other perfect, beautiful woman with a vibrant personality to match his—maybe then we could be friends again. Nothing like we were of course, but maybe more than this.

But it sounds like things with Cap’s mom might actually be happening. At least back in the summer they did.

“She came to our house for dinner!” Cap had told me excitedly back in July.

“Oh!” I’d said, smiling, hoping it looked as bright as I was trying to make it. “That’s great, Cap!” It was what I wanted, after all.

“We went on a walk together after, and tomorrow I’m going to Aunt Chelsea’s house so they can go have a grown-up dinner.”

My heart ached. I’d smiled and repeated how great that was. Like an unfeeling robot.

Only I wasn’t unfeeling. I was dying inside.

That’s when I knew I wasn’t over Jude.

My vow, over my second half of the program next year, is to cut back on those calls with Cap, too. It feels like death to think of it, but I know I’m standing in the way of Cap building a relationship with his mom, even from way over here. He should be sharing his excitement about life with her, not me.

It’s fine—the archival program intensifies next year, and I’ll need to spend all my time studying.

Like I’m trying to do now.

“Nora?” Sasha’s leaning forward, her brows quirked.

I blink, realizing I haven’t retained any of what she’s just said.Shit.

“Nora, were you even listening? I told my brother you’d be there!”

“Sasha!”

“Don’t worry, it’s not Sam.”

Sam’s the Wall Street shark. Her other brother is much more subdued. A finish carpenter apparently. Handsome, of course. He sounds great, but I do not need to be set up with him. Or anyone.

“No pressure, but he’s arriving the day before with my parents anyway, and since you don’t seem to be into any of the English guys I’ve been throwing your way, you’re available. Just for a fling.”

I push my glasses up my nose, exasperated. Finally, I sigh. “You’re not going to give up, are you?”

“Nope.”

I let out a long breath.

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