Page 130 of Play With Me

“Jude…” I meet his eye. “You could consider letting up on yourself, you know. I know how you are around other people, and I know who you are when no one’s looking. More now on this trip than ever before. Both of them are the Jude I know and love. You showed me all of you and I’m still here.”

I hesitate. I swallow down the tears threatening to rise. I want to tell him it’s more than just love the way he thinks I mean it. I’m this close to saying the words that float around me every time I’m near him.I’m in love with you, Jude. I’ve been in love with you what feels like my whole life.

But he’s not there yet. Maybe he never will be.

My heart feels as heavy as lead. But my mind—my mind is strangely clear.

I thought that would be the bravest thing I could ever do—to tell Jude how I feel about him. But now I know I was wrong. The bravest thing I can do is to let myself love Jude Kelly and know that’s enough. I won’t fill in the blanks for him. And I won’t fill in that empty space in his life if he doesn’t love me back. The thought that this feeling will always go unrequited hurts—it nearly shatters my life—but it won’t define me.

I’m going to keep taking risks whether Jude’s there or not. Because look how good it gets when I do?

I smile, leaning over and kissing my best friend on the cheek.

“I’m going to go, Jude.”

He sits up straight. “This is your room—I’ll go.”

“I mean, I’m going to leave. Tonight, if I can. I’m going to head back to London early. I have something I need to do. I’ll text Farrah to see Cap again before you guys go. But it’s time for me to go home.”

Jude looks stricken, so I cup his cheek. “It’s okay, Jude. I’m not upset with you.”

Jude stands up, following me to our adjoining door like a lost puppy dog. It’s almost enough to get me to forget the plans percolating in my mind.

Almost.

Jude rubs his hand against his chest. “I don’t want you to go.”

“Do you want to be together with me? For real?”

Jude grips his shirt, anguish on his face. “I don’t know, Nor.”

My heart hurts, more than it did when I left. But when he looks at me almost wincing, I smile, rising up to kiss him on the cheek.

I remember in that moment how he’d turned his face the last time I did this. How he’d given me a kiss that sparked it all. But this time I don’t feel unsure. I feel a clarity I never felt before in my life. I hold open the door for him.

“It’s okay, Jude. We’ll be okay.”

Downstairs half an hour later, Gunther is working at the little stand by the entrance.

“You are leaving?” he asks me, looking crestfallen.

“Yes. Can you get me a car, Gunther?”

“Of course, miss, there is one outside now that will take you to the station.” He makes a snapping motion and some hand symbol that must mean “to the train,” and in a few seconds flat, the driver is loading my luggage into the trunk.

Gunther stands next to the door, looking forlorn.

I smile at him. “Is there a girl in your life, Gunther?”

“I—”

“Someone you like?”

Gunther blushes and looks down, making me think the answer is yes.

“Tell her, okay? Tell her now. Be with her if she’ll have you. Have fun, and don’t wait around being too scared to do anything until it’s too late and you make a fool of yourself.”

His brows bunch together. “Miss, are you okay?”

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