Page 65 of Play With Me

I do the first thing I think of. I text Sasha.

NORA: Something happened with Jude last night, sexy 911

My phone rings only a few seconds later.

“Nora, what? Oh my God. Tell me everything.”

I let out a nervous laugh, then I do. I tell her about the absolutely humiliating sex dream on the train, how I had to pretend none of that happened on the drive to the hotel with Farrah and Cap, and how Jude and I were kind of…fighting over it. How I still, despite all that, couldn’t stop thinking about it, and decided it would be a brilliant time for a little self-care.

“Wait, and he asked to watch you?”

I bite my lip. “Yes.”

“Holy shit, Nora. That’s the single sexiest thing I’ve ever heard of in my entire life. So did you…you know…”

Sasha knows about my troubles. Telling her about how I can’t “arrive” with a partner, only with mechanical help and on my own was the only way I could get her off my back when she asked why I kept breaking it off with the couple of men she’d insisted on setting me up with when I first got here. Somehow, that had been easier to me than telling her no one held a candle to Jude, my ex-best friend I’d left behind.

Of course, she’d gotten me to confess that eventually too. Sasha is nothing if not persuasive.

She’s also a steel trap though and would never share my secrets with anyone. Not that there’s anyone to tell.

“So did you?” she asks.

“What?”

“You know, fly off the cliff of ecstasy?”

I would roll my eyes, but I’m too buzzy about this truth. “Yes,” I say.

“Oh my God! His hotness was just too hot!”

“I thought I was defective, Sasha.”

“Of course you’re not. You just needed the right situation. You were super turned on, right?”

I lie back on the bed. “I felt like I might just arrive by him being there. Oh God, do you think I’m a…voyeur person?”

Sasha laughs. “Maybe. Is that so bad?”

“Yes!”

“Okay, well, I guess the only way to find out is to sleep with him, right?”

I bolt upright on the bed. “What? No.”

“What do you mean, no? This is exactly what we talked about. Friends with benefits, remember?”

“I know. It’s why I didn’t scream at him to get out. It’s why I…”

“Was brave.”

I smile, but it doesn’t last. “Yeah. But Sasha, he pretty much ran out the door when we were done. I don’t know ifhecan do it. Also…he didn’t touch me. He just watched.”

“Okay, I don’t know what’s up with that. But listen, it doesn’t mean he didn’t like it. If you want to do this, just talk to him. You guys are best friends, aren’t you?”

“Jude and I haven’t even talked about what happened yesterday on the train.”

I swallow, getting up and walking over to the long rectangle of window that overlooks the ski hill. The early morning sun is high enough over the mountain that the bottom half is lit up, and there are several skiers already cutting through the swath of white next to the chairlift.

---