Page 31 of Wish For Me

“Yes,” I whisper. “But I can’t.”

He steps away, running his hand over his mouth. Then he smiles. “You’re going to be a famous actress and need to keep your prospects open, right?”

“No.” I wrap my arms around myself. “I can’t feel this way about someone I only see once a year. There won’t ever be a time we’ll be in the same place, Leif. Our dreams are too different. I mean, one day, you’re going to be in space.”

“Not into interstellar relationships. I knew it.” He’s joking, but he’s not smiling.

I will away the tears brimming in my eyes. “You deserve so much more, Leif.”

When he meets my eye, his hand reaches up like he wants to brush away the tear there, but he drops it, closing his eyes.

My heart clenches.

“Do you ever think the universe makes cruel jokes?” I ask after a moment.

“Are we a cruel joke?”

“I don’t know. Do you think our lives being this divergent is worse than Eleanor and James, finally getting to be together and even having a baby and then…”

I can’t finish the thought.

“Are you saying you think we’d be doomed no matter what?”

I swallow. “I don’t know.”

There’s a long pause, then Leif says, “I’m sorry.” His voice is tight.

“There’s nothing to be sorry about.”

“No, I shouldn’t have made this a date.”

“I wanted it to be a date. Leif, this might just have been the most magical night I’ve ever had.” I ignore the thought that every night with him has been magical in their own way. “But I think the next time we see each other, it should be as friends. You know? No dates. No…romance. Make it easier on us both.”

He looks away again, to the stars. Then he nods.

Part of me is disappointed, like I want him to say no. To pick me up and kiss me and take me down to one of those hotel rooms with his special fob.

But that’s not what I asked for, so I know that’s not what he’ll do.

He nods. “Of course, Noelle. Whatever you want.”

“What do you want, Leif?” I can’t keep from asking. “It’s not all about me.”

“I want you to be happy.”

“You can’t say things like that.”

He lets out a breath. “You should have been a scientist.”

“Why?”

“Because you’re more logical than me. All I want to do is kiss you and tell you everything is going to be fine. But your plan is smarter.”

I follow his gaze, to the space between the stars. “I choose to believe that somewhere out there, the two of us are together, in a place where our dreams are aligned. Where we’re not doomed.”

Leif laughs softly. “Yeah. I see it. Right there.”

It’s only when I look over at him that I see his eyes are closed, his hands clenching and unclenching at his side.

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