Page 36 of Wish For Me

“It’s fine,” Noelle laughs, sitting on the edge of a desk. “I’m pretty awestruck too.”

My stomach flips.

I tear my eyes from Noelle, and to the kids, I say, “I think it would be easier if I tell you all a few things all at once, okay?”

The kids nod solemnly.

“I work at the space center down in Houston. That’s where they plan all the missions to space, and where we talk to the astronauts in their ships. I’ve met lots of people who’ve been to space. I haven’t been to space yet myself, so I can’t tell you what Martians look like, or eat for breakfast.”

A few disappointedawws emanate from the kids.

Noelle smiles, and my heart skips a beat. But it’s not just from her smile this time.

I don’t look away from her when I say, “But next year I’ll be joining a mission heading to the moon.”

As the children yell and run in circles, my stomach clenches into brutal, aching knot. Because the smile has fallen off her face.

Her eyebrows slant, her eyes wide.

The smile comes back, but it’s not real. The eyes stay the same.

“Excuse me,” she whispers into the cacophony. Then she runs from the room.

CHAPTER9

Leif

Noelle’s surprisingly fast—I don’t catch up with her until I skid around the corner to see her pushing through the doors that lead to the parking lot.

I crash out after her. “Noelle!”

She’s just standing there in the snow, but at her name, she whips around as if surprised I would have followed. Her eyes are wet.

“I’m sorry!” she says. “I’m so sorry, Leif. This is amazing news, the most ama—” Noelle’s voice cracks, her chin dimpling.

It’s freezing out here, and we’re only in thin shirts. I tell myself that’s why I don’t hesitate for a second before pulling her against me, wrapping my arms around her. “It’s okay,” I say into her hair.

I’ll stay if you want me to.

The words come unbidden to my mind. I want to speak them out loud, but some small, childish part of me clings onto them, holds them greedily inside. It’s not because they’re not true—which is shocking enough. It’s because I’m fooling myself if I think we’re only friends, and I know I can’t stand on this earth with this woman and just be friends.

So I don’t offer to stay.

“I’m sorry,” she whispers again.

“Stop saying that.”

Noelle looks up, wiping her eyes. “I’m happy for you, Leif. Beyond happy. It’s just—it’s a huge deal.”

She takes a step back, and I know she needs the space, so I don’t follow. Instead I nod, shoving my hands in my pocket. “Yes.”

“When do you leave?”

“Next December.”

Noelle’s eyes well, making my chest clench. “So I’ll miss you next year?”

That’s the worst part. Besides leaving her here.

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