Page 52 of Wish For Me

LEIF: Twice. I also looked you up just now.

I swallow. So he knows about the very public incident. The press about the star of the show walking offstage before the finale.

NOELLE: You launched into space the day it happened.

LEIF: Good thing I’m never going to space again.

My stomach churns.

NOELLE: You should.

LEIF: No. I’m done with space. I’m ready for new things.

I hold the phone against my chest. I let myself feel the warmth of having him at my fingertips for a moment. To imagine those things could be me.

He loves me. But love isn’t everything, is it? What good is love if you’re living the wrong dream? I should know.

I type out a quick goodnight and set the phone down. It’s good to have his number, it’s good to go on the sleigh ride tomorrow—it’ll make it easier to tell him we can’t see each other anymore. This is for the best—he’ll understand once I finally cut that tie.

I’ve thought about this long and hard enough that I should be able to tuck it away and close my eyes.

But I’m nowhere close to sleep when my phone buzzes.

LEIF: I’m sorry if you’re sleeping. But I’m making up for lost time.

What follows is a series of texts with screenshots of me, all over the internet.

CAST OF ‘ON A RIVER’ THRILLED TO WELCOME NOELLE PRITCHARD…

‘UP AND COMING ACTOR PRITCHARD WOWS PRODUCERS’

‘PRITCHARD DAZZLES’

LEIF: You dazzled!

I press my hand over my mouth, not sure if I’m going to laugh or cry.

Then he sends a photo of me in the play I was in with Patrick all those years ago. But that one isn’t me acting. It’s me and the director, standing arm in arm on the set.

LEIF: Isn’t that the director that won an Oscar? I heard she started in theatre, but didn’t know you two were BFFs!

My stomach tightens.

NOELLE: Beth McLain. She was my mentor the one time I worked backstage.

Until I caught her backstage with my boyfriend.

The old pain I feel now isn’t over Patrick. I trace my finger over the background of the photo. That was the set Beth had me help approve. She had me go over the script with her too. All kinds of things that were more director territory than an apprentice stage manager.

For years I’d convinced myself she was distracting me from the affair she and my boyfriend were having. But even if it was, Beth made me love working backstage. I was too miserable living in Patrick’s shadow to see it then, too bitter about not getting to be the lead like he was. But that had been one of the best times in theatre. Seeing the whole play come to life around us, without being only one part of it.

Maybe there’s some way I can be a part of that here, on a smaller scale. I have no idea how, but maybe it’s possible.

Damn Leif for giving me hope. I remind myself I’m cutting ties with him tomorrow. It’s best for both of us. But that night, I still fall asleep with a smile on my face, for the first time in what feels like a whole year.

CHAPTER15

Noelle

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