Page 69 of Wish For Me

Mom sprinkles the seed in my hand, then holds it up, never moving her own.

“When they land, don’t do anything, okay, just stay still.”

“Okay,” I whisper again.

It only takes a moment for one to land. I nearly pull my hand back, but Mom holds it tight. The bird lands, its little feet light on my fingers, and makes a quick peck into the seed. And just like that, it flies off again, only to be replaced by another.

I laugh.

“You did it,” Mom says, beaming.

I did it.

We thank the man, then Mom guides me to the bench down by the creek.

“I’ll never forgive Dan for making you scared of birds,” she says as we watch the man.

“Dan?”

“He told you they used to be dinosaurs. Don’t you remember?”

“No.”

She shakes her head. “I didn’t know until years later, when he confessed he told you they wanted to eat you.”

“Oh my God,” I say. “I’m going to kill him.”

Mom laughs. “I’ll tell Monique. She’ll do it for us.” Monique is Dan’s fiancée—she’s a video game designer, and we love her almost as much as he does.

We’re quiet a minute. The old man packs up and we exchange goodbye waves. He understands my thank-you, and he nods before heading for the hospital. I wonder who he’s here for.

Mom and I sit in silence for a moment. Then, my eyes on the birds still pecking in the snow, I say, “I’m sorry I left your new business without any help at the busiest time of year. I know Monique’s been helping out, but she doesn’t know all the prices and the order you like to put things in and—”

“Noelle,” Mom says. “Don’t you dare.”

“I’m sorry I left acting, too.”

Mom’s quiet.

“I know it was my responsibility, since you didn’t get to do it, and raised us instead. I’m sorry.”

Mom shakes her head, looking at me almost like I’m a little dense. “It was no sacrifice. It was a natural ending.” She takes my hand, her eyes not leaving mine. “Youare what I always wanted, honey. You and Dan.”

Tears stream down my face. I’m so used to them now I don’t bother wiping them away.

So Mom does. She takes out a tissue and dabs at my face, then brushes the hair from my cheek. “You know when I was most proud of you, sweetheart?”

I shake my head, my throat tight, nose snotty.

“Well, it changes every time I see you. But right now, it’s the way you’re holding this family together. I see the way they look at you. They love you, sweetheart, just like they love Leif.”

My throat constricts.

“But professionally? It wasn’t when I saw you starring on Broadway, Noelle.” She cups my cheek. “It was when you left it behind. You didn’t quit lightly, and you didn’t give up. You knew in your heart you weren’t being true to yourself, and you walked away. That’s when I knew I made the right decision all those years ago. That’s when I knew I’d done right by you.”

I’m so stunned, for a moment I can’t speak.

I had this notion in my head for years that Mom had to sacrifice something to be mine and Dan’s mom and Dad’s wife. But to her, she was always right where she wanted to be.

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