Page 104 of Here & There

Shelby

Dear Jessica,

Remember all those times we used to talk about what we thought it would be like to kiss a boy? And I know you never want me to bring this up again, but that time we practiced on our teddy bears?

Well, honestly? We had no idea. I had no idea until yesterday. I’ve kissed boys before. Plenty of them. But I’ve never felt like I did when Mac kissed me.

That’s right, Mac and I kissed. And it was un-fucking-believable, pardon my French.

When I tell you it was the most amazing feeling in the world, I’m not exaggerating. It was like a thousand butterflies flying over you all at once. Or sticking your finger in an electric socket that somehow doesn’t hurt you.

Okay, that’s corny. But I feel like I fully understand the words Duke Dick said now: “Milady, I did not know the depth of pleasure to be found in the human touch until I chanced to graze my finger upon your arm.”

But Jessica, as good as it feels, I’m scared. I feel like I’ve cast a spell on this man, and he’s going to wake up and realize it’s me he’s been kissing.

Me, the girl you had to rescue over and over again at school until you couldn’t. I guess you wouldn’t know what it’s like, since you were always the perfect one.

I just have to remember what you told me before you left. That thing about me being amazing too.

—Shelby

After all the tension between us, I wonder if I’ve misread things. Because at nine o’clock, Mac excuses himself, saying he’s tired.

“Good night,” he says with a brief wave. I know, theoretically, that this is probably his way of saying good night to Nate. But still, my body roils with doubt as we say goodbye and I watch him disappear up the stairs.

“You want to play the next level with me?” Nate asks.

I bring my attention back to him, my chest softening. “I’m sorry. I should probably take a rain check. I didn’t sleep well last night.” It’s not a lie. I tossed and turned, agonizing over theroller coaster of the day yesterday. And now my stomach churns, unsure whether I dreamed up all that talk this afternoon.

“Me neither, actually.” Nate rubs his hand over the back of his neck. It’s the same gesture his dad makes, and it makes my heart squeeze. “I’m glad you’re back,” he mumbles.

Oof. Now my heart squeezes so tightly it actually hurts. “Me too.” I smile at this sweet boy. “Can I give you a hug?”

Nate flushes red, then nods like he’s much younger than fourteen.

It’s hardly a hug. He’s stiff as a board as I lightly wrap my arms around his shoulders, and he beelines it to his room the minute I let him go. I still count it as a victory.

But when I retreat to my room a few minutes later and sink onto the bed, I wonder if coming back was the right decision.

That is, until there’s a soft knock on the door a moment later.

My heart does a singular thud in my chest.

When I open the door, Mac’s giant figure fills the doorway. The deck behind him is draped in dark shadows.

“I thought you were tired,” I say, leaving the door open for him and backing into my room.

“Tired of waiting to touch you,” he says, his voice a gravelly rasp.

He’s in a T-shirt and jeans, and his feet are bare.

“Better come in, then,” I say, impressed I got the words out without my voice shaking. I want himsobadly. I’ve never wanted anything so much, and part of me wonders if anything that happens after this can live up to the anticipation of wanting it.

But Mac reaches forward and hooks his finger into the waistband of my jeans. He pulls me toward him, and I know immediately how wrong I am.

Because when he crushes his lips to mine, the kiss is nothing short of explosive.

I feel rather than hear the deep groan that emanates from Mac’s chest. I feel the brush of his tongue against my lips in waves of pleasure over my skin, and when his tongue penetrates me, I swear I have a little mini mental orgasm right there.

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