Page 152 of Here & There

“What did he do?” Yellow asks.

“He broke up with me because he was scared.”

“Seriously?”

Blue folds her arms. “Scared of what?”

“I was scared she would leave me,” Mac says, not even looking at them. His eyes remain locked on mine. “So I left her first.”

“That is so stupid,” Yellow says.

I prop my hands on my hips. “Right?” Even as I think the words Chris said to me once when I saw him completely ignorea pair of women trying to wave him over to the bar when I was there.He only has eyes for you, Shelby. I swear, it’s like a medical condition.

I feel the tiniest crack in my resolve.

“I should have trusted you,” Mac says. “You never gave me any reason to doubt you. I just…I’ve never had anyone who really loved me stick around. I was sure I’d f—mess it up.”

My heart melts, just a little, as I think about what he’s been through.

“You need to get help for that,” Red says.

I nod. “She’s right. You need to find someone to talk to who isn’t me. A professional.”

“Okay,” Mac says with zero hesitation. Except to look mildly uncomfortable that these other women are still involved in this conversation.

“And you need to make her feel safe,” says Yellow.

“Make it up to her,” says Blue. “With, like, diamonds.”

“Actually no,” I say, sensing this is going to get carried away. “That’s fine. Thank you. I appreciate your help.”

Red shrugs. “Your loss.”

They get back to chatting and looking gorgeous.

Mac, meanwhile, swims over to my side. “Shelby, I’m so sorry. I hurt you, and I hurt Nate too, by losing you. I promise I will never do that to you again.”

He looks so pained and so hopeful all at once. My stupid heart fully softens as he dips his forehead onto my calf. “Please, Shelby.”

A beat passes. Then I say, “You booked hotels all over town for me.” Even though I stayed in Lana’s spare room that night, both Diane and Elizabeth called to ask if I was okay, telling me Mac booked rooms at their places. I suspected they weren’t the only ones he called.

“I didn’t want you to have to pay for a room when it was my fault you left.”

I was so touched he did that, but still so furious. The last of that anger, just a tiny ember, is trying hard to keep smoldering. “Which means you knew what you were doing was wrong the minute I left.”

“I knew it was wrong while I was doing it, Shelby.”

This crack makes a whole piece of my anger tumble into the water. That burning ember hisses.

A tear falls onto my thigh.

“You told Nate I’d never leave him.”

“Even if you say no to me now”—his Adam’s apple bobs—“I would understand. But I hope you could be a part of his life in some way. He loves you too.”

I nod, my eyes filling with tears now. They spill over, so much that I don’t see what’s happening until Mac has me by the waist. He pulls me down into the water, and with his legs pumping underneath us, he holds me against him. “I’m sorry,” he whispers. “I don’t think I’ll ever stop being sorry.”

I press my hands over his lips. Then I push away from him, rest my hands on his shoulders, and press down. He just manages to get a breath before we’re both submerged.

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