Page 43 of Here & There

I think sometimes he was talking about Mom.

“Are we done?” Nate asks at four. He’s sweaty and covered in streaks of dirt. He’s worked hard, and I relieved Cal an hour ago.

“Yeah, go ahead,” I say. Guilt rushes through me that I worked him so hard today. He did it without complaint. As he walks away, I say, “Hey, Nate?”

He turns around.

“Thank you. You were a big help today.”

He shrugs, but flushes too. Then he’s gone.

I wish he’d stay with me, that we could just be in each other’s company. I’ll bring up the gym again, maybe tonight when he comes down to grab food.

I check my phone again—no texts. I try to put a stopper in the worry that flares at the radio silence. She’s a grown woman. I’m not in charge of her personal safety. Still, what if something’swrong? It’s only as I go to give in and text Shelby that I realize I don’t have her number. I don’t even know if she has a phone. She called me at the Dinghy from the inn’s landline.

“God dammit,” I mutter. I shoot a text to Chris, hoping they’re still together, and get a response right away.

CHRIS: Oh shit, boss, I’m sorry! I took her to the track!

A photo comes up a moment later of not just Chris, but Lana and Shelby. Lana stands primly with a smirk on her face. Chris is on her dirt bike, her face splattered with mud. Shelby has her arms up in the air, and she’s grinning like she’s having the time of her life.

CHRIS: New besties!

Three feelings war for attention: relief that Shelby’s okay, first and foremost; annoyance at Chris for absconding with her all day; and a low-lying feeling of dread that the three women appear to be thick as thieves in a matter of hours.

But I can’t help but zoom in on the photo of Shelby. God, that sexy crooked smile. It’s goddamned mesmerizing. It’s in that moment that I realize what it is about her I can’t shake: it’s like life to her is fun. Like it’s a big ole ice cream cone in her favorite flavor. Me, I look for problems. I’m on constant guard for things going wrong.

What would it be like to look at everything like an opportunity for joy? For change? For happiness?

I look at it long enough that the next text startles me.

CHRIS: Well? You worried? Or did you just miss her?

MAC: Go to hell, kid.

CHRIS: LOL. Lana has to relieve the babysitter soon, plus it looks like it’s going to rain. We’ll have your girl home by eight.

My girl. Fuck. I don’t like how much I like the sound of that.

Lana doesn’t have Shelby home by eight. I’m putting her on notice at the Dinghy.

At eight thirty, I get a text that Chris invited Shelby to spend the night at her place, since she’s close to the track.

Okay, Chris is fired.

I don’t feel like moping around at home, so I lock up Shelby’s room outside.

At the bottom of the stairs, I hesitate. I jog up to Nate’s room. Muffled video game sounds filter through the door. I rap on the wood with my knuckles.

The sounds cut short, then the door opens a crack. Nate’s face is in shadow, his big brown eyes on me.

My chest twists just looking at him. “Hey,” I say. “So Shelby’s not coming until tomorrow. So…I was thinking about heading out for a bit, maybe get some ice cream.”

“Okay,” Nate says. For a moment, my heart lifts. Then he starts to close the door.

“Wait.” He’s really going to make me spell it out. “I thought maybe you might want to come with me.”

Nate looks at me like he’d rather sip from a cup of rusty nails. “I’m good, thanks,”

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