Page 5 of Here & There

“Bryony.” Her voice is tight as a drum. “Be serious. This whole thing—it’s ridiculous. There was no reason to go to this sort of trouble.”

My stomach crumples like I’ve been punched.

“It was no trouble, Mom.” My hand, still outstretched, shakes. I close the camel in my hand and stick it back in my pocket.

“It’s gauche is what it is,” Dad says, checking the time on his Rolex.

Suddenly, heat flares in my chest. My eyes burn with tears.

“No,” I say, my voice surprisingly calm. “You know what? It was a huge amount of trouble.” I look at both my parents. “I’m barely holding it together with my job—you know, the one I built from scratch despite you telling me it was a bad idea. The one where I’m trying to show you how amazing I can be without being…well, being me. Deanie’s covering me right now, on a Sunday, because I have clients who call twenty-four hours a day. Aboutbranding, like it’s a life-or-death emergency.”

My heart thunders in my chest. I’m seeing spots.

What is this, a panic attack? A nervous breakdown?

I’ve been teetering on the edge for a long time. Years, I think. At first trying to be the good daughter so they could forget about the better one they lost.

Later, burying myself in my business. Trying to show my parents how competent I am. Dating a mantheylove.

I fling a hand in Richard’s direction. “Richard is an absentee boyfriend who I try to engage on a daily basis but who I’m pretty sure likes you two more than me.”

Richard blusters. “Excuse me?” But I see him look to them, not me.

“And my parents, who have never spent a day thinking I’m good enough.” I turn to my mother and point at her silk-covered décolletage. “This is me trying so hard to reach that soft core I know is in that frigid organ in there.”

Mom gasps audibly.

“Bryony!” Dad snaps. “What the hell has gotten into you?”

“Nothing’s gotten in, Dad!” I exclaim. “It’s always been there!”

“Bryony,” Richard says. “Let’s calm down.”

I want to laugh, even though, yup, it’s confirmed. I’m clearly in the middle of a nervous breakdown. I look at Mom. “Just because your mom died doesn’t mean you can pretend like she didn’t exist! But that’s what you do, isn’t it? That’s what you did with Jessie!”

“She’s not dead, Bryony!”

For a moment, I think she’s talking about my sister, and I’m so confused, I blink. Of course she’s dead. We were all there. It changed the course of all of our lives.

But my mom’s face looks slightly panicked. Like she didn’t mean to say that.

My skin prickles. “What?”

“Some people are better off not being in our lives,” Mom says.

For a moment, I think she’s giving me heartfelt advice. Like she’s talking about Richard. Or…Dad. “I’m going back to the boat.”

Mom stalks from the room, pushing through the back door in a huff.

For a moment, I can’t breathe. I think, maybe, she was talking about me.

I turn to my father. I don’t think he would even have acknowledged Mom’s sixtieth birthday. I never once remember him even signing a birthday card for me. It was always Mom who signedMom and Dad.

“Dad, is that true? Is Grandma alive?”

“I don’t know. She’s as good as dead. Now, for God’s sake, get yourself together so you can come down and apologize. Then we’ll go for dinner in the city.”

He follows Mom, leaving me shriveled. Aching.

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