Page 65 of Here & There

“Were you in his life before this year?”

“Nope.”

She hesitates. “That wasn’t by choice.”

“Nope.”

“Mac.”

I take another sip of whiskey. “What?”

“I told you if you don’t want to talk about this, just say so.”

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

I feel her stiffen slightly. “Okay.”

Then I let out a long breath. “But it’s fine. It’s not a secret. Nadine didn’t tell me she was pregnant. She didn’t tell me I had a son until she showed up here last year. Said it was my ‘turn.’”

Shelby sucks in a breath. “What?”

“She said it in front of Nate.”

“Jesus.”

I think back to the moment Nate’s mother turned up at the Rusty Dinghy, right at closing. Nate was in the back of her car, sleeping.We need to crash here for a bit.

We.

“So she just suddenly wanted to stop taking care of him?”

I scrub my jaw with my hand. “She never took care of him in the first place. Her mother raised him. His grandmother’s devastated to have lost him. I asked—” I swallow past the prickly rock in my throat. “I asked her if she still wanted to be his caregiver. I asked him too. He said yes; she said no.”

Shelby raises her hand to her lips.

“Does he know?”

I shake my head. “Absolutely not.” I drain the second half of my whiskey. “Anyway,” I say. “I recommend making better choices than I did.”

“How was any of that your choice?”

“I could have made better choices” is all I say again.

Shelby’s hand comes out and rests gently on my forearm. “But then you wouldn’t have Nate.”

I don’t know whether it’s her words or that gentle touch again, but to my fucking horror, my eyes burn. “I know,” I whisper. “That’s the sick part. I’d do it all over again just to get him.”

Shelby squeezes my forearm, and I want to lean over and have her cradle my head. Tell me I’m not an asshole for what I did. Tell me I’m not a fucking hero either.

I move my arm away instead, because I don’t deserve that.

I top up our glasses, then we both sit back in our chairs, settling into silence. But somehow, even after that, there’s less awkwardness this time. Just a comfortable relief, at least on mypart. Like we’ve crossed over some rough waves and come out okay on the other side. The fire pops softly, and somewhere in the background, I can hear the soft lull of the surf.

“Hey, Mac?” Shelby asks after a while.

“Yeah.”

“Why don’t you have a girlfriend?”

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