Page 68 of Here & There

“Fine. I think you should make it clear you’re not going to reconsider with him. If that’s what you really want.”

She looks shocked. “Why do you suddenly care, Mac?”

I should shut up. This is none of my business. Except I do care. And it’s purely for selfish reasons. I don’t want any fucking guy pining over her, thinking he has a chance with her. I want to be the only one who gets to do that. I want to be a club of fucking one.

I clench my molars as if that’ll trap the words before they come out.

But she’s still staring at me, waiting for me to explain.

So I release my jaw and say, “Because you don’t love him. If you did, you’d be talking about him all the time. Thinking about him all the time. You wouldn’t be here. I think you know that, in here.” I press my hand against my chest. “He doesn’t deserve you for letting you deal with this on your own.” I should quit while I’m ahead, but, of course, I don’t. “Life’s too fucking short to waste your time with anyone who doesn’t break your goddamned door down to be with you, Shelby Jones. I should know, because I would.”

Shelby blinks.

Then the cold reality of what I just said hits me like a pile of bricks. Ice bricks. Like an igloo’s fallen on my chest. I press a hand to my eyes. “Fuck. I’m sorry. Don’t listen to me.”

What the hell is wrong with me?

Shelby stands up. I brace myself for anything. Her yelling at me. Maybe slapping me across my stupid face. But she just hands me her empty glass.

When I take it, she pulls her phone out of her pocket. She thumbs something into it, the electronic glow lighting up her face.

“What are you doing?”

“I’m making it clear.”

“Wait, what?” Then, because I’m so stunned, I say, “Over text?”

“Yup.”

“Fuck. Don’t listen to me Shelby. Seriously.”

“Too late,” she says. She pockets her phone. It’s only because we’re standing so close that I see the slight tremble in her lip.

You did that, you asshole.

“Thank you, Mac. You’re right. I should have done that from the get-go.”

No. Don’t thank me. I don’t want to be thanked for fucking things up.

But I don’t say that, because she lays a hand on my chest, right where my heart beats like a wild stallion. Can she feel it?

Then she gives me a pat and walks past me. “Good night, Mac.”

“Good night, Shelby,” I say.

But she’s already gone.

Chapter 17

Shelby

Dear Jessica,

I ended it with Richard.

I know, I already ended it. I told you that, but I knew it wasn’t clear enough for Richard. He never takes no for no. I thought it would be painful to do that, but it felt so good.

I did it by text, which I know is not very nice, but remember that time he canceled our vacation a few years ago?

---