Page 95 of Here & There

I take in a long, deep breath.

“You okay?” Shelby asks.

I shove my hands into my pockets so I don’t touch her again, flexing them open and closed in the soft cotton.

When I open my eyes, Shelby’s got a hand against her kiss-bruised lips.

“I’m sorry,” I croak.

I want to say it’s been a long time, but that’s not it. Not at all. It’s her. It’s all her.

I can’t hide the bulge in my pants. So I turn around. “I couldn’t stop…I…when you kissed me outside, I wasn’t ready. I wasn’t prepared…”

“I shouldn’t have done that,” she says behind me.

My stomach drops. She regrets it. She did it to make her ex take the hint. She didn’t actually want to do it.

Then I showed my whole ass in here, begging her to do it again because it meant something to me.

I chuckle, though there’s no mirth in the sound. “That’s what I like about you, Shelby. In the beginning, you didn’t care that I looked a certain way. You didn’t know anything about me. Then, when you did, it wasn’t a big deal. You never think of me the way…you don’t have preconceived notions of me.” I swallow. “But I guess that leaves me unsure of how you actually feel about me.”

She doesn’t say anything. Some panicked part of me wonders if she’s somehow slipped out the door without me noticing.

I turn around, but she’s still there.

“I like you, Mac,” she says. “I’m attracted to you, clearly.”

“Clearly?”

She frowns. “Were you there for that kiss just now?”

Some small part of me buoys again, just a little. She doesn’t feel the way I do, or she’d be octopussing herself to me the way I want to attach myself to her. Or at least showing some indication of that.

“I just…” She swallows, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. Her cheek, it’s so smooth and soft. So achingly perfect, that little plane of her face.

My thoughts scare me with their intensity. Like I kept the bottle capped so tightly that now that it’s open just a little, my shit’s flying everywhere.

“I’m still trying to sort my life out. As you can see, everything’s still completely messed up. I just need…I need…” Shelby reaches for her throat. “I need…”

“Space,” I say softly.

She purses her lips. “I guess.”

My chest goes so tight I think something inside me might snap in half. I want to tell her I love her being a part of my family. I want her there. But I’m feeling too much. I’m going to scare her off.

“I’m sorry,” I say. “Not telling you about the inn was selfish. I wanted you to stay. Nate’s been so different since you’ve been here.” My voice cracks. “You’re the bridge between us.”

Her eyes grow shiny.

Even though what I just said was perfectly true, I’m still not telling her the whole truth. She has no idea just how selfish I am. Because having her live with us is forme.I want her there for me. Her connection with Nate is just an added, incredible bonus. She showed me what it took to get to my son, and I’ll be forevergrateful, but I don’t need her there to keep that alive. I need her there to keepmealive.

But I can’t subject her to that kind of pressure. She already broke under the pressure of her family. It’s how she ended up here in Redbeard Cove. If I can have even the littlest part of her, it’s better than having her run away like she did on that island.

“I’ll tell Diane to expect you tonight. I’ll ask Lana to bring your things over.”

“I didn’t—” She swallows, and I hold my breath. But it’s a fool’s game. Even if she says she wants to stay, she’ll be saying it for me. “Okay,” she says. “Sure, that’s probably best.”

I nod curtly. “I hope we can still continue the work here?”

---