Page 115 of Give & Take

I pull my lips tight, appearing extremely cool on the outside, I know, but inside dealing with a fucking maelstrom.

“Lana, it’s why I asked if you were leaving. I told Shelby last week that I was sure you’d found a new job, because for the first time since I’ve known you, I’ve caught you smiling more than frowning.”

“I have not been randomly smiling,” I tell him, as indignant as if he told me I suddenly picked up a love for needlepoint. Not that there’s anything wrong with needlepoint, it’s just so very not me.

“The other day I caught you staring at a jar of pickles,” he says.

As much as I don’t want to, I flush. Raph hates pickles. I love pickles. We had this big fake fight about it. He told me I love pickles because they’re sour, I said I love them because they’re tangy and delicious, and he’d waggled his eyebrows, told me he had another pickle he could show me and?—

“When I asked Shelby, she told me she thought you were probably just happy. Then she let slip Cal complained his favorite outdoor buddy has stopped hanging out with him just like I did when I met Shelby and—” For the third time today, Mac waves a hand. “Whatever. The point is, she thinks you’re hooking up with Raphael, and it makes sense now. I think so too.”

“That’s none of?—”

“You’re right, it’s none of my business. But for the record, as your friend, I want to say I’m happy for you.”

His voice is completely sincere. “I mean it, Lana. You deserve this.”

I struggle for a moment with the urge to cry—I’m completely touched that Mac’s looking out for me and the girls—and the much more ridiculous urge to deny it.

But I know when I’m beat. I lean forward, burying my face in my hands. “God, Mac. It’s absurd. It’s…wrong.”

“I mean, I have a hard time believing you seduced him.”

“Mac!”

“I’m going to assume it came about naturally.”

“Again, Mac! What the fuck!”

“Lana, you’re being way too hard on yourself. Did you forget I hired Shelby specifically because I…liked her?”

Liked is putting it mildly. And honestly, I’d kind of forgotten that part.

“And I had her move into my home when she didn’t have a safe place to stay.”

I drop my hands. He’s right. If anything, Mac should not be the one to judge me.

Which is why he isn’t.

“But he’s twenty-six, Mac,” I groan. “He’s got his whole life ahead of him.”

“See you’ve got me beat there. Shelby was twenty-eight when I met her. But nobody seemed to think that was a big deal, did they?”

“It’s different with men,” I say, somewhat bitterly.

“Maybe. But all I’m saying is whatever you feel bad about, just know you’re not the only one in this room who’s made the same mistakes. And they’re my favorite mistakes.”

For the first time since I came in here, I feel a hint that I might be okay. But I still can’t quite shake the feeling that our situations are too different.

“Anyway,” Mac says. “Point is, if Raph and you are leasing retail space, that starts to fall into the realm of things that might affect me.”

I laugh. “Shelby has to be mistaken. There’s no reason Raph would be looking at a storefront.”

“You sure?”

“I’m sure. He’s never…”

I trail off. I was going to say even if he was going to stay, which he’s not, he’s never expressed the least bit of interest in retail.

---