Page 13 of Give & Take

My high deflates a little as I picture the summer ahead of me: reading and writing about Tolstoy. Full stop. I take a sip of coffee and grimace, and it’s not because of the bitterness of pure espresso. Back home, my life is pretty full. I have my degree work, teaching, students, volunteer gigs, friends, and little brothers. Not to mention my touch football league, and whatever hobby du jour I happen to glom onto. Last year it was carpentry. The year before guitar-building.

I’ve never been good at staying still.

Footsteps sound on the deck behind me.

I turn to see Deanie, coming out of the little one-room cabin off the deck, where she’s staying.

“Hey!” I say, surprised to see her. “I thought you were in town.”

She ambles over to the table. “I wanted to wait for you.”

It’s still a surprise seeing her like this sometimes. When she told Mom and me she was pregnant last Christmas, I’d thought she was joking. She wasn’t. She also hasn’t told any of us who the father is. I don’t push it. It’s none of my business.

I go over and pull a chair out for her. “That doesn’t sound good.”

“Yeah.” She cradles her belly in her arm as I help her into it. “Bout time you woke up.”

When she’s seated, I push another chair up in front of her and lift her feet into it.

She smiles. “Thanks, Raph.”

Despite her extreme annoyance with me, which I know is half just because it’s our schtick, my older sister and I have a good relationship. She’s four years older than me, but we’ve always been a team. When Dad started his new family I think the only reason we survived—and helped Mom survive—was because of each other.

I always know when Deanie’s got something to say though, and I can tell by the way she’s fidgeting to get comfortable that’s the case now.

After offering to get her some decaf or tea, both of which she declines, I move back to the railing, resting my back and elbows on it to wait patiently for whatever it is.

Deanie finally settles down. She rubs her forehead before dropping her hand onto her chair’s armrest and looking at me. “I’m sorry, Raph.”

My jaw drops. “What? Deanie LaForest? Apologizing?”

She glares at me. “I’m serious.”

I smile, but shake my head. “You don’t have anything to apologize for, Dee.”

“I do. Yesterday I…I shouldn’t have suggested that nannying job to you.”

I raise my eyebrows but say nothing, curious as to why she thinks she needs to apologize.

“It made it sound like I wanted to get rid of you,” Deanie continues.

“Don’t you?”

“I mean, yeah, you’re extremely annoying.” My sister wraps her arms across her belly. “I mean, I don’t need to engage in philosophical discussions on historical modesof oppression and courtship rituals when I’m just trying to watch The Bachelor.”

I grimace. “Sorry.”

She smiles, kind of tiredly. “I love you, Raph. You know that. You’re responsible for me and Mom having a good relationship, despite our differences. You always know how to make everyone happy. Even Dad.”

I laugh at that, though there’s zero humor in it. The odd half-smile at the elaborate jokes I spent weeks of my life practicing for him hardly made him happy.

I’m so skilled at hiding that old wound my face is neutral by the time she looks back at me.

“And you just…you know how to be with kids. And women. My brain just went a little overboard yesterday.”

I sip my coffee. “Wouldn’t know what that’s like.”

Deanie rolls her eyes but laughs. “Anyway. It was out of line.You came up toBC to be in Vancouver with me, not this little town. Plus you’d hate being a nanny.”

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