Page 150 of Give & Take

“You are the center of her world,” Mom says. “Your girls are everything to you, and to me, too. They’re my baby’s babies.”

She closes that door too. In the hallway, away from the girls’ rooms, Mom whispers to me, “I have neverregretted you, not for a fraction of a second. And that man? You’re a gift to him, Lana. You’re what he’s been looking for. When he looks at you, he?—”

Mom presses a hand to her chest.

“He’s the first person I’ve ever considered good enough to hold the heart of my child.”

My mind reels at all of this. At what she’s reminded me of, of what she’s shown me.

At her choice of words, so similar to the ones Raph used with me as we looked out over the sea at the end of the road together.

When I asked him to stay, all those weeks ago, he said always. And for once, finally, I get it. I feel it, in my very being.

And suddenly, I need him to know it. I need him to know how good he is too, how deserving of love. I need to apologize for all the ways he showed me how worthy I was and I didn’t do it right back because I was so addled with this old fear.

I throw my arms around her. I tell her how much I love her. Then I beg her to stay here please for the girls. “I have to tell him.”

“I’m not going anywhere, sweetheart.” I run out the door, taking all the steps down and up two at a time until I’m banging on the door at Raph’s place.

He’s awake, fresh out of the shower and in sweatpants and a buttery soft t-shirt. “Lana!” he says, alarmed.

I throw myself at him. “Raph,” is all I manage.

“Lana, what is it?” He holds me back, his eyes wide and panicky. “Is everyone okay?”

“Yes,” I blubber. “Yes. I just…I need to show you too.”

“Show me what, Sunshine?” he asks.

“That you’re everything to me, too. That you deserve to know how much you’re loved. I’ll show you every day if you let me, Raphael.”

Raph looks stunned, but he slides a hand around the back of my head, the other at my back, crushing me to his chest.

“Okay, Sunshine,” he whispers. “Okay. We’re okay.”

And if I’m not mistaken, by the shudder of his shoulders, I think he’s crying too.

Chapter 41

Raphael

It’s noon on her birthday by the time Lana comes down the stairs. Last night, we held each other for what felt like an hour. Then I carried her to my bed and we fell asleep entangled in each other’s limbs, whispering things I don’t know either of us could hear, but we both understood.

She woke up at dawn, kissed me so tenderly I asked her to do it again. Then headed back over to her place so she could see the girls first thing this morning.

“Mom!” the girls cry now, thundering toward her. They topple her backwards so she plops down on the third step, laughing, then crying as they shower her withHappy Birthday!andWe love you so much!

They wave the cards they made her in her face, fighting over who gets to show her theirs first, while Lori and I watch from the kitchen and the recliner respectively. I’m the one leaning against the doorframe of the kitchen, wearing an apron and covered pretty much head to toe in frosting thanks to an unfortunate event with themixer. Lori’s been napping in the recliner with a paperback.The Duke’s Pesky Pickleit’s called, and I know the author’s just having the time of her life at this point.

Both because of that title, and because I wrote to her via her agent a while ago, asking hypothetically if she’d ever consider coming to talk at a bookstore that focuses on spicy books and women’s sexual liberation, whatever that looks like to them. I assured her I wasn’t opening the bookstore, that actually, it would be a woman called Lana Bloor. That the bookstore wasn’t opened yet…or even technically a thing yet, so this was very,veryhypothetical.

To my shock, she’d written back, and said,Hypothetically, that sounds pretty great.

Lana’s eyes are wet as she closes the second card. “This is already the best birthday ever.”

“You haven’t even seen the cake!” Aurora says. “It’s shaped like books!”

“Aurora!” Nova cries.

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