Page 52 of Give & Take

I take a bracing breath. “I was angry about the donuts today. But I don’t doubt Nova had something to do with you bending the sugar rules.”

“It wasn’t her. I mean, it could have been. I’m an easy mark where your kids are concerned.” He smiles, but this one isn’t anything but genuine, I can tell. He really truly cares about my kids. I try not to let that make my heart fluff up.

Raphael goes serious again. “I gave them the extra donuts because I was—” He cuts himself off, a look of chagrin on his face. He drags a hand over his jaw, looking briefly at me, then away. “It doesn’t matter. I shouldn’t have done it. I’ve never felt worse knowing I made Aurora sick.”

I want very badly to know why he gave them the extra donuts. There was a look in his eyes that made me feel like somehow, it had to do with me. But that’s exactly why I can’t ask him, and why we’re talking now.

“You’re right,” I say. “It doesn’t matter. I know you won’t do it again.” I hesitate, gathering my strength. “But what you did the other night, with Daniel—Raphael, that was unacceptable. I have a life. You have a life. You’re working for me, minding my kids. That’s all I signed upfor. We need rules. Or just…one rule, I guess. We have to keep things professional.”

A long moment passes between us. I don’t dare look up. I didn’t meet his eye during any of that. I’m staring at my hands. I notice, suddenly, that my hands have warmed the countertop. That my pulse flutters at my throat. Why is this so hard? Why does it feel…wrong making it very clear that no line-crossing can happen?

I lift my chin, forcing myself to look at him. Because this next part—this is the part where I’m sure I’m right. Where I’m telling the truth about how I feel. I ignore the feeling his eyes give me, the same way I used to ignore all those eyes on me in the courtroom so I could do what was right.

“You’re a brief presence in our lives, Raphael, and I want the kids to have good memories of this summer. I don’t want anyone getting confused or hurt.”

Does he notice the emphasis onanyone?

“Not them. Not me. Not you.” That was hard. But I did it. “So I’m Lana, okay? Not Sunshine. Lana.”

I regret that one the moment I say it. It feels like a tiny death, because for once in my life, I loved being Sunshine. But it can’t continue.

Raphael’s eyes are on mine in that way he gets whenever I speak—that is, when he’s listening and not teasing me. Searching. This time though, he’s working his jaw, like there are words trapped there he desperately wants to say.

“You can talk,” I say tightly. “If you have something to say?”

Raphael considers me for a moment, his hands stillclasped on the counter in front of him. Then he straightens out his arms, lays them flat on the surface of the island, splaying his fingers. “I don’t, really.”

I blink, a feeling of disappointment surprising me. Did I want him to argue? To say he couldn’t do what I was asking? “Really?” I ask.

“Nope. Just…I agree. It’s hard for me to keep my mouth shut at the best of times, but when I’m around you, I don’t know, it’s like fucking Niagara Falls. But I can control myself.” He runs a hand over his chest, scratching at his shoulder. “I have exceptional self-control.”

“Oh really? I haven’t exactly seen that.”

“Yes you have, Lana.”

My chest thuds.

But he pulls back, as promised, his expression without a trace of teasing.

“But…” he hesitates.

I swallow. I’m still reeling at that comment. At how he said my name. And now I’m hanging on thatBut.I realize only now that all along I didn’t want him to give up so easily. As completely wrong as it was, I wanted him to fight me on this.

“But?” I finally ask, unable to stand it.

“About Daniel,” Raphael says.

I raise my eyebrows, trying to appear cool. “What about him?”

“I’m sorry if I madeyouuncomfortable,” Raphael says. “I really am. But I didn’t like what he said to you. He was disrespectful. And besides that…” Raphael shrugs.

“What?”

“I can’t say it. It’s not the nanny’s business.”

Heart skip. I should leave it at this. Say okay. But my mouth moves on its own. “It’s fine. This can be a…stay in proceedings.”

His eyes twinkle, but he resists smiling. Instead he wraps his arms around himself in this very deeply sexy way and looks up as if trying to find the words.

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