Page 73 of Give & Take

LANA: I have to go to sleep now.

RAPH: Oh. Are you in your bedroom?

Panic wraps itself around my chest. Was that sarcasm? He knows. Or is he just flirting?

My phone practically shakes in my hand I’m gripping it so tightly.

Finally I can’t take it anymore.

LANA: WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS

RAPH: Goodnight, Sunshine. Better rest those peepers.

I throw the phone across the room.

Chapter 20

Raphael

Ididn’t actually see her looking at me. But I did see the curtains move, about two seconds after I realized I was strutting around naked and had neglected to close my blinds. For a moment I panicked and thought she’d been horrified, closing the blinds in disgust—ouch. But when she’d been so casual in her texts a moment later I knew she’d been trying to play it cool.

I fucking loved it. I wonder how long she’d been looking? How much she’d seen? The thought made me grow hard every time I thought about it.

Interacting with her ex, on the other hand—that pissed me off. I know it’s cliché of me to hate him. I guess half of it isn’t even his fault—he’s her ex. He’s touched her the way I’ve wanted to. He was married to her, for fuck’s sake.

But the posturing is exhausting. I told him as much, when we were loading up the truck.

“You know, I’m not trying to prove anything,” I said as I tossed the last of my boards into the back.

He’d scoffed, but I hadn’t risen to the bait.

“Lana’s an incredible woman. The best mother, toyourchildren. But she’s an individual, too. She gets to make her own choices about her life.”

And honestly, the guy’s not an idiot. After he dumped his load in the truck, I could see him wrestling with what to do in his head. What angle to take. Finally, sagged out a breath and pressed his thumb and forefinger to his temples, and said, “I’m sorry, man.”

“It’s not me you need to apologize to.”

He’d bristled at that, but I held out my hands. He looked away and I knew he knew I was right. “Yeah, well, I would say whatever’s going on between you two”—he held out his hands then—“Not saying it’s anything, just that it wouldn’t be any of my business, except my kids are involved.”

I had to clamp down my molars to prevent myself from sayingBut are you involved in their lives?

But to his credit, he said, “I can tell they like you. You seem to make everyone happy.”

That part came out kind of stilted, like he was self-aware enough to know of his own failings.

I wouldn’t say we ended it with a Kumbaya, but at least I got a glimpse of the decent enough guy I knew had to be in there if Lana saw fit to marry him.

But fuck him if he pulls any more bullshit on her again.

This week, Lana’s avoiding me. I guess that’s understandable. Every morning she breezes out the door, already ready to go. Every evening, she makes up some excuse for why I need to be immediately ushered out.

We did talk about things. On Monday morning, before I came over, she texted me to tell me the kiss was a mistake. That she shouldn’t have let anything happen between us and please forgive her.

LANA: And that thing, on the porch the other night, with the gloves and the neighbors…that can’t happen either.

Last week, this might have worried me. But now I see it clearly—the only way this will work.

RAPH: The ball is in your court, Sunshine. I promise I won’t try to grab it until you tell me to.

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