Page 94 of Give & Take

It’s not the parasailing thing I’m surprised at. The girls have mentioned that to me. It’s hearing that Raph spends most of his time at the coffee shop that’s surprising to me. He never talks about his dissertation. But clearly he’s been working on it. It explains why he stays up so late too.

I feel a certain amount of guilt lift off of me I didn’t realize had been sitting there. Ever since our conversation about quitting things, I’d been worried he was going to quit his PhD. That I had him working too hard.

“What did you think your nanny was up to on the weekends?” Chris asks, quirking her lips as she takes the booster from me.

“What?”

“You’re nothing if not observant, Lana.”

I usher the girls into Chris’s car, making sure they’re buckling up.

She’s still waiting for an answer when I come out again, shutting the door.

“I don’t know,” I say. “I thought he was busy doing…young guy things.”

“Like dating?” Chris asks. She’s nothing if not direct.

A prickle of jealousy crawls over me. “He’s allowed to date.”

But the words feel bitter. Hediddate and I hated it. But we never talked about him not doing that. Because we’re not a thing.

Chris smirks. “Mm-hmm. Well, just so you know I’m going to keep these girls out past their bedtime.”

“Chris!” I look around, as if the neighbors are watching.Clearly even contemplating has me worried about what people are going to think. I blush furiously. “It’s not like that.”

“It should be. You deserve to have some fun.”

But that’s the thing. My feelings for Raph have ventured beyond just fun.

I’m in so deep I can hardly breathe.

“You sure you’re okay with taking them?” I ask again. My voice is higher pitched than normal. I’m trying to be bright. She’s going to see right through me.

Luckily Chris has refocused on the girls. “Please. They’re my favorite people in the whole world. I like them more than you some days. Mostly because they tell me everything.”

I smile, though my molars are clenched. I’m not fooling her.

In the car, Nova knocks on the window. “Let’s go!” she says, muffled through the glass.

“You don’t have to stay out late,” I say, like I’m desperate to have an excuse for things not to go where I know they’re heading with Raph. “I know you train in the morning.”

Chris walks over to the driver’s side. “Not anymore. The Asshole has chosen Monday morning as his favorite training time. It’smyfavorite training time! Can you believe that?”

“Why don’t you give him shit? You’re good at that.”

Chris rolls her eyes. “I’ve tried. He’s never once taken off his helmet to give me the time of day. He just stares at me and takes off. Anyway, whatever. Thepoint is, I’m free now, and I can sleep in tomorrow morning. Fuck that guy.” She gives me a smirk, pointing her chin to my front door and whispering, “And you should fuck that guy.”

“Chris!” I exclaim, glancing down to the girls. But they’re behind glass of course,anddeep in some kind of clearly important argument.

Chris cackles as she gets in the car.

After waving them off, I go back inside and lean my back against the front door.

You should fuck that guy.

I swallow, my stomach a jumble of nerves. Just because he’s in my house, alone, doesn’t mean anything’s going to happen.

I look at him. His long form remains sprawled on my couch, one arm high, the other on his chest. I can’t help think of how good he looks there. So at home under that afghan my mom made me years ago, his feet sticking out the end he’s so tall.

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