Page 14 of A Funny Thing Happened…

Jake gazed unwaveringly into my eyes, his mouth quirked, and he said firmly, “I do.”

Judge Buttermit turned to me. “Adrien, do you take Jake to be your wedded husband, to love him, comfort him, honor him, and keep him, forsaking all others, for so long as you both shall live?”

“I do,” I said, and was surprised at how my throat closed up. But that was happiness getting in the way of words. There were no more doubts.

Judge Buttermit said solemnly, “Please hold hands and repeat after me: I, Jake, take you, Adrien, to be my wedded husband, to have and to hold, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, to love and to cherish, from this day forward.”

Jake’s hand held mine in a warm and comforting clasp. He said steadily, “I, Jake, take you, Adrien, to be my wedded husband, to have and to hold, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, to love and to cherish, from this day forward.”

Then it was my turn. My turn to speak the words that for most of my life weren’t even a possibility for people like me and Jake.

“I, Adrien, take you, Jake, to be my wedded husband, to have and to hold, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, to love and to cherish, from this day forward.”

The judge looked up from his book. “Do you have rings to exchange?”

“Oh,” I said.

Jake gave a smothered laugh, pulled out a familiar velvet box. Judge Buttermit gave us a quizzical look.

“Jake, please place the ring on Adrien’s finger and say: with this ring, I thee wed.”

Jake slipped the ring on my left hand and said huskily, “Adrien, with this ring, I thee wed.”

“Adrien, please place the ring on Jake’s finger and say: with this ring, I thee wed.”

My hand wasn’t quite steady as I drew the second ring from the box.Don’t drop it. That has to be a million years bad luck.

I did not drop the ring. I slid it onto Jake’s left hand, and he turned his hand and gently squeezed my own.

“Jake, with this ring, I thee wed.” I smiled up at Jake. His eyes were very shiny in the muted light.

Judge Buttermit said, “Let these rings be given and received as a token of your affection, sincerity, and fidelity to one another.

“In as much as Jake and Adrien have consented together in wedlock and have witnessed the same before this company and pledged their vows to each other, by the authority vested in me by the State of California, I now pronounce you husband and husband.”

Mrs. Buttermit clapped happily like a little child at a birthday party.

“Jake, you may now kiss Adrien. Adrien, you may now kiss Jake.”

Jake and I craned our necks, gave each other the polite kisses of distant family members, started to laugh, kissed each other again, quickly, as Mrs. Buttermit snapped a couple of Polaroids. And that was it. We signed the license, took our photos, and away we went.

When we stumbled out onto the sidewalk again, it was snowing like someone somewhere had decided on a White Christmas. I really did feel like we had walked out of Brigadoon.

“Breakfast?” Jake asked, and brushed the snowflakes from my hair.

We wound up at Granny Parker’s Pantry.

The dining room was half-empty. Christmas music from another era played overhead.I’ll Be Home for Christmas. Happily, we were not. We were seated at a small table next to a large window overlooking garland-festooned Main Street. The snow was still drifting lazily down, but definitely heavier now. We’d have to make it a quick shopping trip.

We removed our masks, rearranged our flatware, and gazed across at each other.

Jake said, “You okay, baby? You look a little shell-shocked.”

“Yeah, I’m…”

Married.

I studied the gold band winking like a heliograph on my left hand. Studied the gleaming gold band on Jake’s hand. I looked up, and Jake gazed at me with a mix of sympathy and amusement. Anybody else, and I’d have said there was the faintest twinkle in his hazel eyes.

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