Page 96 of Kill Your Darlings

“Keir.”He put his arms around me.“If you don’t think they’re going to make you an offer, why are you panicking?”

Until Finn pointed it out, I hadn’t realized that Iwasstarting to panic.I took a couple of deep breaths, shook my head.“It’s just…a lot.We’re going to talk to Judge Baldwin and then I’m probably going straight to jail do not pass Go.Lila fucking hates me.So even if— I’m not qualified for that job!”I heard myself babbling and shut up.

“You’re not going to prison,” Finn said.“I don’t care what I have to do.You’re not going to prison.”

I gave a shaky, hopeless laugh.

“Secondly, Lila doesn’t hate you.She resents the fact that you made choices she didn’t have the nerve to make, and those choices paid off for you.She isn’t happy at W&W but she feels trapped.Thirdly, you’ve been doing the job of editorial director without the commensurate pay for how many years now?You’re a senior editor in name only and everyone paying attention—which includes Rudolph Dunst, as it turns out—knows it.Youarequalified.”

I swallowed.

“This is absolutely the right move.It’s a fucking godsend, and I one hundred percent think you should take it.”

“I can’t just walk away in the middle of everything!”

“Keiran, look at me.”

I raised my head, stared at Finn’s stern face.

“Millbrook House is gone.It’s over.You did what you could to save it, you failed, and that’s the end of that story.Wheaton & Woodhouse is not the right place for you.It’s not the right place for a lot of your authors.Including me.”

“Wait.What doesthatmean?”

“It means the only reason I’m signing with W&W is you.”

“But—”

“And I’m guessing a number of your authors feel the same way.”

Some of them did, I knew that for a fact.But that didn’t mean—

Well, whatdidit mean?

“I still don’t think I’m qualified.”

“Rudolph does.You seem to have a lot of respect for the guy.Do you think he’d recommend you for a job he didn’t think you were qualified for?Especiallyhisold job?”

Well, no.

I shook my head, but I had no idea what I was denying.The idea that there might be a solution for at least one of my problems?That despite not deserving it, I might get a happy ending after all?

“This is an awful lot of heavy lifting for this time of night,” Finn murmured.

“I know.I wasn’t going to bring it up now.”

“Or at all,” Finn said wryly.

“No, I’d have told you.I-I want your thoughts.It’s just I’m not used to…”

“Having to take someone else into account?”He was teasing, but gently.

“Yes.That’s true.”

“You’ll get used to it.”

He said it with such confidence, I laughed.

But it was moving to hear it, to think that maybe Iwouldhave this—someone I loved who loved me back.He knew, understood that I was not a safe bet, might be going to prison for a long time, and even if they didn’t throw away the keys, I wasn’t great at this, at relationships, but Finn was willing to, well, work with me.

---