Page 31 of While She Sleeps

Yeah, I think my therapist is going to have a thing or two to say about this one.

Orion’s hand runs up my bare thigh and leaves a trail of goose bumps in his wake. I’ve never allowed a man this close before. Not because I wanted it at least, and certainly not because it felt as natural as breathing to have his hands on me.

That alone should be enough to have me walking out the door. I know better than to ever rely on someone, and more than that, I know better than to allow myself to get close to someone when losing them could kill me.

I can’t take that kind of pain again.

The soul-crushing agony that lurks in your chest for months after losing someone. The blinding reality every morning that you’ll never see them again, or hear their voice, or be able to call them when you need them. The realization that you’re completely alone in the world, and that’s never going to change.

No. I’ll never allow myself to be that vulnerable again.

I can’t.

I’m so lost in my own mind that I don’t notice how high his hand has climbed until his fingers brush the edge of my panties, sending a jolt of awareness through me.

“When you’re with me, Little Flame, I need your mind here too,” Orion murmurs against my hair.

“We shouldn’t,” I whisper, not trusting my voice not to give away how much I want this. How badly I want him to touch me, even when I shouldn’t.

Fuck. My mind is so messed up at the best of times, but right now it’s like a war raging inside me, and I don’t know which side will win.

The lonely girl who wants nothing more than for someone to love her.

Or the badass thief who knows better than to allow herself to care for someone, because losing them hurts so fucking badly.

His fingers brush over my panty clad pussy, and my protests die on my lips. The only person who has ever gotten me off is myself, and apparently it’s a whole lot different when it’s someone else.

He chuckles, his breath brushing over my shoulder as he massages his fingers over my clit. “You’re already so wet, Ember. Your panties are soaking. Remind me again why we shouldn’t be doing this?”

I swallow heavily around a moan, but it’s useless. He’s playing my body like he’s been doing it for years, and they escape despite my efforts. “We don’t know each other.” I force out on a shaky breath.

“This is just one of the many ways I want to get to know you,” he tells me as his fingers toy with the edge of my panties, almost as if he’s giving me a chance to actually say no. “Next.”

“We’re in a strip club.”

“Mmm. That’s true.” He brings his touch back to my throbbing clit. “That doesn’t mean I can’t help you relax a little, though. What else you got?”

“I…I’m…” I’m so lost to the pleasure that part of me is ready to just throw in the towel and let him have his way with me, but that wouldn’t be fair to either of us. Not if I’m not honest with him. “I’m a virgin.” I force out the confession on a rough whisper. Fuck, it’s embarrassing admitting that as an almost twenty-two-year-old woman. It shouldn’t be. Not in the slightest. But it is. Women are seen as frigid or cold if they save themselves past their teens. If they don’t fuck some two-pump chump in the back of their prom date’s pickup truck.

But for me it wasn’t a matter of not wanting to get it over with, more so a lack of opportunity and decent options. I’ve never had time to date. I finished high school online because Travis didn’t like me being out of his sight after we left the foster home. The only friends I’ve ever really had were the ones that worked for Lucas, and I know better than to ever truly trust any of them. People who work in my line of work are in it for themselves. They’ll do anything to survive, even if that means backstabbing people they’re supposed to care about.

And although I never thought losing my virginity was going to be some incredibly special thing that would change my life forever, I didn’t want to give it to a one-night stand or someone that didn’t know what they were doing.

Call me crazy, but I actually planned on coming the first time someone shoved their dick inside me.

I’m so deep in thought that I don’t realize he’s stopped moving, and his body has stiffened beneath me. If it weren’t for how tightly he’s holding onto me, I’d think he was getting ready to bolt. Something I’ve learned is that some men fetishize virginity, while others want nothing to do with the inexperience.

“What did you just say?” Orion growls, the sound so inhuman that my breath stutters in my chest.

“I’m a virgin,” I whisper.

“Fuck,” he breathes. “You don’t know what you’ve done, Little Flame. I was already fucking obsessed with you, but now…” He trails off, and I’m equally terrified and intrigued by whatever his next words are going to be.

There’s a thinly veiled promise of what’s to come, because I have a feeling no matter how far I try to run from Orion, he’s not going to let me go.

“Has anyone ever made you come, sweet Ember?”

“No,” I tell him honestly.

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