Page 36 of Love Me Not

“It just takes some practice,” I said and pointed to my sad attempt at the painting.I had purposely colored outside the lines too, but that apparently didn’t make her feel better.“Maybe switch colors?”

She wiped off the brush on the paper towel I set aside for her and picked yellow next.

I should have seen it coming.

As soon as she made the first stroke, it became obvious that she hadn’t wiped it well enough and the purple mixed with the yellow.There was about a two-second delay before she was off the chair and pushing the easel down to the floor.

“Stupid paint!I hate this!”

I put my paintbrush down and got off my seat.Whatever had happened at school had been building up inside her, and I knew it wasn't going to stop there.

“It’s so stupid!I don’t even like this!I don’t know why you had to ruin it like this.I don’t want to do it anymore?—”

And on and on she went, repeating more or less the same things.I quickly kneeled in front of her, trying to get in her line of sight, but she was too worked up.

“Bella,” I said in a calm voice.My hands came to her side, gently rubbing them up and down her arms, trying to ground her.When that didn't work, I gently squeezed her arms up and down, from her shoulders to her wrists, before taking her hands and squeezing them in a slow rhythm.This seemed to work a bit better.“Bella.”

Her eyes washed over me, and her rage turned to heavy breathing.That’s when I saw the tears building in her eyes.

“Take a deep breath with me, sweetie, okay?Bella,hey.”I gently touched her cheek to get her attention, but her hand was suddenly up, swatting mine away.

“Don’t touch me!”

“Okay.”I raised my hands to show her they weren’t going near her.“But can you breathe for me?Better yet, help me do something.It’s a bit silly, but I promise it works, okay?”

Her breathing was getting quicker, tears falling now.

“Pretend we’re blowing out candles,” I said as I held up one hand.“I’m holding them here, okay?It’s not like one or two; there’s a lot of them, so you may need to blow a few times, okay?”

She gave me a shaky nod.

“One, two, three?—”

I started blowing softly, and she hesitantly took a breath and blew out the air onto my hand.

“Good job,” I said with a smile.“Again.A lot of candles, remember?Think twenty-seven.That’s how old I’ll be in a few months.Imagine it’s me and you with a huge cake and all my candles on there.We have about half to go.”

Another exhale, this one longer, and her breathing notably slowed.

“Great!Can you give me one more?”

She nodded, taking a deep breath and blowing them out.

She took a few more deep breaths by herself this time.I was immensely proud of her.Not many children would get it this fast, and I usually had to try more than once, but Bella was special.At times, I felt like she was a little bit too grown-up for her own good, but watching her breakdown made me see the child she actually was.

This time, I reached forward to run my hands down her arms.

“You okay?”I asked.

When she met my gaze, sobs built up in her chest as if she couldn’t hold them in anymore.

Oh no.My heart broke for the little girl.

I opened my arms, and she dove into them, her small arms wrapping around my neck and hanging on for dear life.She was shaking with the force that she was using to hold onto me.

“I know, I know.Let it all out.”

I rubbed her back as she sobbed against me.When she tried to crawl into my lap, I moved to sit with my legs crossed and pulled her to me.She wrapped her legs around my waist, and I held on tight.

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