Page 125 of Wanting What's Wrong

“Don’t look at me like that, Cade Jamison. I’m not crazy. I know Lilith is no longer with us.”

“Then…”

“Don’t interrupt. I liked her, loved her, in fact. But you couldn’t pretend with me. I knew there was nothing between you but friendship. But with Lennie? That’s different. That’s love.” She takes a sip of her tea and watches me for a moment. “I was twenty-six, married and living here with your father, when my brother died. The last time I saw Leo, we had a massive falling out. I said things I regretted, and I couldn’t take them back because he was gone. So you know what I did?”

I shake my head. She’s never told me this story. Of course, I knew Uncle Leo was dead, but I had no idea there was anything but love between them.

“I wrote him a letter. Put down all the things I wanted to say and couldn’t. Then I put that letter into the fire and watched the ashes take my message away. And Ifelthim there when I did it. I felt his arm around me, telling me he understood. Apologizing and moving on.”

I draw a breath. “You think I should write a letter to Lilith, telling her I’m sorry I’m fu--, I mean, I’m starting a relationship with her daughter?”

She nods, a twinkle in her eye. “That or pray, but you’ve never been the praying kind.”

She tries to stifle a smirk, but it comes anyway, and then she starts to laugh.

And I laugh with her and it feels fucking good.

Mom was right.

Writing the letter was fucking hard. But now that’s it’s out, Ido feel like she’s with me in a way. It took me about an hour to get it down and I checked on Lennie a few minutes ago and she was still sawing logs looking cute as ever between my Star Wars sheets wearing an old Stone Temple Pilots t-shirt she found in my closet.

I left her to her dreams, making it back to the living room with the letter and a pack of matches.

“I’m sorry for betraying your trust,” I say, reading the last paragraph more to myself than anything else. “We can’t choose who we fall in love with. And if I could, I’d still choose Lennie because she’s perfect. She’s everything. I hope you can forgive me wherever you are; but either way, I have to do this. I have to take this all the way to the happy ending—having each other for real. Forever. Things aren’t going to be easy, but we’ll make it work. And a part of that is telling her all about us. About what we were to each other. And I know I promised to take care of her forever, so that promise I will keep.”

I blow out a breath and fold the letter. Funny to think that this is the same fireplace Mom threw her own letter into all those years ago.

“Lilith, I hope you’ll forgive me.” Just when I’m about to throw the letter into the fire, my phone rings. It’s a special ringtone I set up, and even the letter has to wait until I take this call. I set the folded paper on the little table to my left, stepping toward the window looking out to the front pasture and answer.

“Mr. Jamison?” It’s the forensic investigator I hired to get the info off the thumb drive. I’ve been waiting to see what they found.

“Yeah, what have you got?”

“Straight to business, I like that.” He clears his throat. “Part of the video was deleted as you suspected. All the other footage from that night deleted as you indicated, except this thumb drive, which means whatever happened that night was planned. It’s been cut tomake it look like the young lady set the fire, or was at least responsible for it in a misadventure, but we’ve managed to recover a section that was all static and distortion. It tells a very different story.”

“And?”

“The cameras catch a man coming in after she’s left. That’s when the fire starts. I’m afraid there’s no doubt that he was the one that set the fire. And it was deliberate, though obviously, we can’t tell his motivations for doing so. Or, why Lennie was set up. We are working on having the footage enhanced so his face is clearer. You most likely would recognize him if he was at your home that night.”

Fuck.

I’m pretty fucking sure who it is on that video. I had some interesting messages from someone the day after the news broke about my marriage to Lilith. And as for his motivations, I’m pretty sure I know exactly what they are too. And his whole shitty family.

“Would you be willing to testify to that in court?”

“That’s what you’re paying us for.”

“Email me everything. Right now.”

“Of course. I just wanted to give you the news in person first.”

“Thanks.” I end the call, then turn, wanting to finish with this letter and get back to Lennie.

But, she’s already here, reading what I wrote.

When did she come in? How much has she read?

Her eyes snap to mine, and she jumps as if she’s surprised to see me here, even though I’ve been standing here the whole time. Her fingers tremble as she puts down the pages.

---