Page 97 of Wanting What's Wrong

I plan to impress him tonight. For that, I have to hold it together and land a special new client.

He snaps his fingers toward the door, eyes still low while his pacing resumes. “If I turn around and you are still here, I’ll make sure no other agency will hire you. Not even some back-woods, back-room outfit where they peddle pageant girls to trade shows.”

I glance to my right as Davis, Cade’s best friend, and partner, as well as my mentor, gives her a thin smile and urges her toward the door with a flick of his head.

Everyone in this room has a love-hate relationship with my stepfather.

Except me. I’m zero hate and all love.

I won’t say I wasimmediatelyin love with him the day my mother introduced us. That was after a Little White Chapel Vegas elopement, and I wasn’t dialed in beforehand, which was typical for my mother. Her career and many other needs always came before being a mother.

The next day, as she slept off the bottles of three-hundred-dollar wine from the previous night, I came downstairs, finding the kitchen after getting lost in the house for thirty minutes. When Cade saw me, he dismissed the cook and made my breakfast himself. Working away in the enormous stone and stainless-steel space wearing baggy jeans and a white t-shirt, he made me avocado toast and scrambled eggs without saying a word. And those were the best-scrambled eggs ever made in the history of scrambled eggs.

Sitting on a stool waiting for my first breakfast in my new home, I reflected on how my world had been turned upside down in the last forty-eight hours. I watched him cook in admiration and knew I was in trouble. I was in love with my mother’s new husband right then. From that moment, the guilt blindedme and lay next to me every night, whispering in my ear what a horrible daughter I am.

I could have been mad at her; my mom didn’t tell me about Cade until after they were married, but I could never stay angry at her, not even when she’d relapse and forget to buy groceries in the early days. Or when her career took off, and she had people around her that both fed her sickness and cleaned up her mess.

She was loveable. One of those people that, even in their worst moments, could make you smile and feel special. That’s why everyone loved her, including my stepfather, who has been my guardian since her death and is now my boss as well.

I know when she knew she was dying, she made Cade promise to take care of me until I could stand on my own two feet. We have no other family, and all I know about my birth father is he wanted nothing to do with me or my mom after she told him she was pregnant. I don’t even know his name.

She said it was better that way, and I trusted her the way a daughter trusts a mother. Right or wrong.

The heartbreak of losing her was only softened by being around Cade, whose calm, quiet presence became my north star. He makes sure I’m safe. He’s a man of few words, but I hang on each and every one.

His actions gave me a foundation I’d not experienced before he came into our lives. He was always distant, but still made me feel special somehow.

If he thinks I’m hurt, he loses his mind.

If he thinks someone has slighted me or treated me in any manner other than you would a princess, he turns absolutely feral. The juxtaposition of his quiet dominance with the crazed violence he’s shown a handful of times captivates me beyond words.

Bodyguards are with me whenever I’m out and about. I have a black Amex and stacks of hundred-dollar bills are left for me every morning next to my avocado toast, medication andvitamins on the mornings he’s not around. When he is around, it’s about the same, only he hands me the money, even when I tell him I don’t need it.

He just shrugs, always telling me I might want something someday so I should keep it. I end up putting it with the rest of the cash inside an enormous golden birdcage he got me in for my birthday that first year in preparation for a special, rare pair of blue and lavender Love Birds he had bought me as pets.

But, my mother had to tell him I was terrified of birds. So, he sent them to a sanctuary and now, I fill the cage with money. Life is weird.

When I was so sad and lost after Mom died, he pulled me out of the school I hated and surrounded me with doctors, tutors, therapists, and every other LA expert on well-being and mindfulness until I found my feet and realized life would go on.

He makes sure I have everything I want and need.

What I really wanted was to snuggle in next to him on the couch, watching one of my comfort movies like Hairspray or Pretty in Pink. Have him kiss my head, stroke my cheek and tell me I would belong to him forever.

I’m a horrible daughter and a silly girl.

After I got my diploma at seventeen, he insisted I come to the office with him every day. I just hung around his admin staff for the first year, doing little tasks, but I wanted him toseeme. Notice me. Need me in some small way.

The agents got his attention and received the closest thing to praise I’ve ever heard him dole out. The agents always earn his approval by landing a big client or a great contract. So, I convinced him to let me try to be an agent.

He said yes because he always says yes, even when he knows he should say no.

Isuckat being an agent. Even though it’s been a year since I started the position, I’m not getting better. My social anxiety has my words stuck in my throat most of the time. My fingertapping, the little noises I make and fidgeting with my clothes annoys almost everyone, including any potential client I manage to corner. Why would they trust me with their careers? They wouldn’t, and they shouldn’t.

Imagine me sitting down trying to negotiate some seven-figure contract with back-end residuals and a share of profits. Yet, I continue to dream. I believe some magic will happen, and I will become the kind of person a man like Cade Jamison would want around.

I’m sure he’s tired of me fumbling around and screwing up every three seconds, trying to be something I’m not. But I need him to see my value lest I find myself without a jobanda home.

In my heart, I know it’s his promise to my mother that’s kept me from being fired.

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