Page 95 of Feral Creed

“He has a reason, right?” Knight crosses his arms over his chest.

I nod. “I just don’t think it works.”

“What?” says Striker. “What doesn’t work?”

“Polyamory,” I say. “It’s a good idea in theory, but I’m not sure… I don’t think it can ever be fair, and I don’t think it’s…” I rub my forehead. “It’s not like I want Lotus to myself.” I lock my gaze with hers, tell this directly to her. I love her. I can’t not love her. “I know I’m not enough for you, and I wouldn’t want to take what you need away from you. I wouldn’t want to punish you in that way. You’re my omega. It’s just that I want… to be significant, I guess. To be someone’s special someone. Not, like, one of your fucking harem.”

“It’s not how I think of you,” she says quietly.

“Whatever you’re doing with that beta whore,” says Knight, “it’s bullshit, and you know it.”

“Knight,” says Lotus, exasperated.

Knight sighs. “Calix, it’s not just her you’re leaving, you know that, right? It’s me. You’re rejecting me. I thought… you and me… I thought…”

I don’t even know what to say to that. Why did I think Knight was Lotus’s favorite? Was it because he’smyfavorite? Am I allowed to have favorites? But no, this is just proving my point. This whole idea is impossible.

“You just… you put up, like, a wall,” says Knight.

“I didn’t put up a wall,” I mutter.

“We never see you,” says Striker. “You don’t want to be here. You… honestly, I get it. It must have been awful for you, getting out of the compound, running from being forced into mating that Selene woman, and then… the scent match. It must have felt like you were being forced again. I really do get it.”

“I just want a choice,” I say. “Tammy, it’s not… it’s not what we have, but I get to decide, you know?”

“ItisTammy.” Lotus’s voice hitches.

Shit. I turn to her. “Fuck, I’m sorry.”

“I don’t get it,” says Arrow with a shrug. “Sorry, Striker can get it, but I don’t. But, whatever, man. Knight’s right, you just disappeared, and you haven’t been around. You did put up a wall. If you do feel forced, I don’t want to fucking force you, you know?”

“Yeah, you do whatever you need to do,” says Lotus, but she’s on the verge of tears.

Fuck.

“No,” says Knight. “I don’t accept this.”

“Knight,” says Lotus, rounding on him, her nostrils flaring. “Stop it.”

Knight glares at her. He glares at Striker and then at Arrow. “You’re making a mistake, Calix,” he says, and now he’s glaring at me.

“In the Polloi,” I say, “I couldn’t leave.”

“Well, you shouldn’t,” says Knight.

“But we’re not in the Polloi,” says Striker. “We have a life bond, but we don’t own you, Calix.”

“I just… I don’t know how it works,” I say. “If I leave, and we all still feel each other in the bond.”

“I guess it’ll be painful,” says Lotus, wiping at a tear. “But we’ll figure it out. Things that hurt don’t tend to hurt forever, right? We’ll accept it, if it’s what you want.”

“I wasn’t trying to hurt you,” I say.

“I know,” she says.

“I know it’s not your fault that any of this happened,” I say. “I just didn’t ask to be scent matched to you. I didn’t ask for this to happen to me. I was just getting my life on track. I was just getting a life, and then…”

“I know,” says Striker. “I get it. You escaped a cult, essentially, and then you were chased by law enforcement and compelled into group sex with us. It wasn’t exactly against your will, but it wasn’t what you would have chosen for yourself either. And now, you must feel as if your whole life is decided for you, and I can see why you feel as if you want your freedom.”

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