Page 19 of One Last Chance

Chapter 8

I hadn’t realizedbefore how much of my grief was due to my belief in Kash’s guilt and the subsequent loss of our future, but now, as I held his hand through the woods I felt as though I was walking on air. I was giddy for the first time in years and it took everything I had to keep from dancing.

I looked up at Kash, seeing so much in his eyes. Sadness, happiness, truths, mistruths, the past, the future. I shook my head and laughed. “If you keep staring at me like that your eyes are going to fall out. Blink, man, blink!”

He grinned. “It’s good to see you happy. Didn’t think I’d ever see it again.”

“Neither did I,” I confessed. “And not just because Hunter died, and not just because you went to prison. It’s more selfish than that, I’m afraid.”

He cocked his head at me curiously. “Selfish? How?”

I squeezed his hand and fought the flutter of anxiety in my chest which told me to keep everything inside. Speaking authentically was a habit I would have to re-learn; I had gotten used to keeping my opinions to myself over the last six years.

“You remember our plan, don’t you? How you two were going to make enough money to get us out of here? We were going to buy a big house with a massive garden and live in it together. We were going to have parties and friends and cars and I would get my degree and we would never have to come back here ever again.”

“I remember,” he said.

“I had my whole life pinned to that moment. From the day we came up with the plan, I started living life differently. I stopped trying to see a future here and just pinned my entire existence on the day we could get out of here. The day we lived in a house rather than that broken down trailer. The flowers I’d plant in the garden. The meals I’d cook with vegetables I picked with my very own hands. You have no idea how much I pestered Hunter about it. How much longer, Hunter? How much longer now?”

I sighed against the heaviness in my chest. “Then he was gone and you were gone and there were no more updates. I was just here. Stuck. Watching all my dreams turn to ash. Watching my brother get buried into the ground. No money, no plan, no partners in crime—just me and my grief and my parents. I’ve been stuck in limbo ever since, surviving from one day to the next with no plan and no enthusiasm for the future.” I shook my head. “I can’t be happy like that.”

“Does that mean you have a plan now?” he asked.

“No. Not yet. But you’re back, really back, and now there’s potential to make a new plan. I couldn’t bring myself to make one for myself until I had some kind of closure.” I looked up at him and smiled. It was shaky, but it was still a smile. “Or renewal.”

He beamed and held me close to him. His arms around me felt like old times and I leaned into him, breathing in the scent of something I’d thought I lost forever. “Why wait? Let’s make a plan now. You’re working, right? I’m working, but it just pays for my room. I can get another job or two.” He stopped short and I nearly tripped over a log.

“What is it?” I asked.

His eyes lit up and his shoulders tensed the way they did when he was excited. “It might not even take that long. Nobody knew where our stash was—if it’s still there—”

“No.” I knew where he was going with this. “Not a chance. If you go poking around in the woods right now, people are going to talk. You’ll look twice as guilty as you do already. And it’s not really safe to try to put a plan together right now even with that first idea. If I start picking up more hours and you’re suddenly filling all the open positions in town, my dad is going to notice.”

“So what? Let him notice. Does he have something against you working hard?”

“No, but he has a whole lot against you. He’ll put the pieces together, Kash, I know he will. And the second he suspects that you and I are together again all hell will break loose.” My stomach turned anxiously and I pressed the heel of my hand against it.

Kash took hold of my shoulders and kissed my forehead. “You’re a grown woman, Daisy. Are you really going to let your dad tell you who you can and can’t see?”

I shook my head, pleading with him with my eyes. “You don’t know how bad he’s gotten, Kash. As overprotective as he used to be, he’s way worse now. He’s so scared that I’m going to end up like Hunter…or like you. He’s drunk more and angry more and if he gets a hint of this…” I let the thought die on my tongue, not wanting to speak that into existence.

“So…what does that mean for us?” Apprehension lined his eyes, but they burned with a determined passion.

“It means…we wait. Just long enough for the panic to die down or for the cops to figure out who really did it.”

Kash groaned. “It’s a cold case, Daisy. It could take forever for them to solve it, if they solve it at all. What if they don’t? What if I’m all anybody wants to talk about for the next year? Two years? Ten? Are you really going to keep your life on hold forever just because your dad has control issues?”

“It’s not control issues,” I insisted. “He’s just really protective. I’m not saying we can’t be together or start planning a future, I’m just saying that we need to be careful. Maybe—maybe we don’t do it right now. Maybe we just wait a while, that’s all.”

“I’ve been waiting six years,” he said stiffly. “How much longer do you figure we have to wait?”

“I don’t know! I don’t have a plan for this. I didn’t think I was going to need one.” I grabbed his hand and held it close to my chest, searching his eyes. “I want to make this work. I want to see a future again, I do. But we just have to be a little tiny bit careful. Please.”

His expression softened and he tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. “A tiny bit careful, huh? So, what you’re saying is, I should strap bells to my boots before I come crawling through your window?”

I slapped at him playfully. “I’m serious, Kash. He’s gotten mean. I swear when he found out Hunter was selling drugs I thought he was going to bring him back to life just so he could kill him himself.”

Kash chuckled. “I dunno, sounds like a lot of work for a man who won’t even buy his own beer.”