Page 49 of One Last Chance

Chapter 18

I adjustedthe knick-knacks on my shelf for the four thousandth time, then straightened my comforter again. Showered, shaved, and dressed in my most alluring nightgown, I still couldn’t sit still. I wanted everything to be perfect—a tall task for my shabby little room, but one I was determined to achieve.

It didn’t help my nerves that Kash was late. I’d had my music playing just slightly louder than usual for hours now. My dad was snoring away in the living room, and my mom had been in bed for an hour. I tried to distract myself with a book, but it was hopeless. I would read a word or two, then notice something out of my periphery which would look better if I moved it slightly to the left or right. Some things ended up on my closet floor after multiple adjustments still couldn’t make them look right to my eye.

I hadn’t been this nervous to show off my room since my last sleepover party when I was twelve. I didn’t know why I was now. It wasn’t like Kash had never been in there before, but maybe that was the problem. Maybe I was trying to show more growth, more maturity, than I had actually developed in the last six years. I didn’t want him walking in and seeing the same old, threadbare stuffed animals which had been on my shelves before he left. I wanted him to see me as the grown woman I was, but being with him made me feel like a teenager all over again. The fact that I still lived with my parents didn’t help matters either.

To say I was conflicted would be an understatement. Even after I forced myself to sit on my bed and read, I kept one eye on the clock. My window was open. All Kash had to do was whistle. Then I’d give him the all-clear, he’d come inside—then the moment I’d been dreaming of for months (years, if I was honest with myself) would begin. I strained my ears, but there was nothing. I re-read the same sentence five times without absorbing any of it and didn’t even care.

Where the hell was he?

Just when I’d nearly given up hope, nearly believing that he’d chickened out, I heard it. That not-quite-a-bird whistle from the empty lot beside my house. Heart pounding, I bounded to the window and hung halfway out of it, beaming with excitement. My face fell when I saw his expression.

“What’s wrong?” I whispered.

He shook his head, his eyes dark and distant. I touched his face and he turned his head to kiss my palm, then buried his eyes in my hand and sighed. This wouldn’t do at all. He obviously needed to talk, which was sure to disturb my parents. Even if he kept his voice low, his deep masculine tone would be alien in my parents’ house, a noise to be investigated at the end of a shotgun.

I held up a finger, silently asking him to wait there. He sighed and shuffled his feet, looking up at me from under his brows with an impatient sort of mild agony. I threw a sweater and pants on over my short little nightgown, stepped into my shoes, and slipped out the window the way I’d done dozens of times before. Kash caught me around my waist and pulled me into an embrace which smelled of desperate fury. Concerned, I kissed him hard, then took his hand and led him toward the walking path at the back of the circle. It led up to the top of a hill overlooking the river, another spot we’d claimed as our own when we were younger.

The flat stone we always perched on seemed smaller now, and the river seemed duller and browner, but it was still our spot. I sidled up next to him until we were shoulder to shoulder, then put my hand over his.

“So? What’s on your mind?” I asked.

“Right now? I’m disappointed in myself, I guess. I know you were looking forward to tonight. I feel like I screwed that up.”

“Shut up,” I said, nudging him. “You’re going through something. You don’t get to martyr yourself for me, Mr. Lawson. Now, what’s going on?”

He sighed heavily and pushed his hand through his hair. “I’m getting laid off. Budget cuts to the road crew. There isn’t anywhere else and anyone else hiring in this town. Well, nothing that’ll give me money that makes sense. I might be able to get a couple part-time gigs, but that won’t satisfy Breaker. He’s expecting me to find a job in a town with no jobs. This whole shit just feels too impossible.”

A muscle jumped in his jaw and he looked down at his hands. I rubbed his back, but he didn’t seem to notice.

“That’s not all, is it?” I asked.

He shook his head. “Leroy’s going through withdrawals right now. Blames me for not getting him more.”

Kash pushed himself to his feet and stalked across the top of the hill. He snatched up a stone and threw it as hard as he could toward the creek. “And who can blame him? I used to be the hookup. Me and Hunter, the one-stop mobile shop for all your brain-bending needs. How many people ended up like Leroy when I left?”

“How bad was he?” I asked, not really wanting to know the answer.

Kash groaned. “Not too bad. Not yet. He’s hurting, though. Irrational. Itchy. Tried to take my head off with his bare hands, then started bawling like a baby when I flattened him.” He paused and ran his hands frustratedly down his face. “I didn’t—why didn’t I see what that was doing to people?”

I stood and went to his side. “You did. Remember? This isn’t the first time you’ve had this epiphany, Kash. But the first time, Hunter was there. He reminded you that the only way out of this town was to make more than it’ll pay you to stay. That hasn’t changed.”

Kash scoffed bitterly. “Are you telling me that I need to go back to selling? Because trust me, I’ve already considered it.”

I gasped. “You haven’t! Damn it, Kash--!”

“Hey, I said Iconsideredit, not that I’d done it. Will you listen? You’re right. The only way out is to get more money, a lot more money. Even more now.” He glared down at the water, fists clenched.

“Wait. What do you mean? I thought you couldn’t leave anyway.”

“I can’t. Legally, I can’t. But I can’t stay either, can I? The stipulations Breaker put on me are just not possible around here. I can’t make the money he wants me to make without breaking the law. I can’t get the jobs he wants me to get because they don’t exist. If I stay here, I’m going to end up in prison. If I leave—well, maybe if I go far enough, I can get out of his reach.”

“How far would you have to go? How much would it cost?”

He looked up at the moon, shining full and bright over the empty expanse. “I was thinking about that. Several thousand dollars, probably, and I’d have to work quickly. It’s pretty easy to get into Mexico from here. Once I’m there, he wouldn’t be able to find me.”

I blinked in shock. “Mexico? Kash, that’s something a fugitive would say. You didn’t even do the crime you were accused of, why are you acting like this?”

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