Page 28 of Love is Angry

He’s more handsome than I remember him. He has grown into his new life. Maybe he’s a little taller, too, and there’s a certain darkness that lingers on his shoulders and in the tenebrous blue pools of his eyes. This is a man, not the Echeveria boy who first caught my attention with his brazenness and playfully demonic smiles. That version of him was enticing enough on its own. This new version, however, it makes my temperature rise.

Rhue dominates everything in my life, though I never wanted him to. I doubt he’s even aware of it. But from the moment we first met, I knew, deep down I knew, that nothing would ever be the same again. I only wish the change were not accompanied by so much pain and unhappiness, by all this shame and muted anger.

“I really hope you mean it,” I tell him. “Because I am exhausted, Rhue.”

“It’ll be okay,” he whispers. Before I can react, he bends down and then his lips are on mine, burning the kind of fire that I’m not sure I want to be put out.

Time stands still. The cheering and laughter of post-match euphoria fades into tomb-like silence. All movement stops. The world around me becomes this elaborate sculpture with hundreds of people sprinkled about. My lips feel raw, as if the delicate skin were peeled off, and I can feel Rhue’s lips on a subatomic level. I can feel the energy of him pouring into me.

My breath is gone.

My mind, too.

I taste the minty sweetness of gum chewed more than an hour ago. I taste the sweat and the exhaustion riding the coattails of a heavily played lacrosse game. I taste the potential of a great man forging his path through life, and I pray to all thegods and supernatural entities that he may find a direction that leads him as far away from his father as possible.

My insides come alight as he deepens the kiss, his tongue slipping through. He consumes me, inside-out, his arms coiled around my waist as he pulls me closer. We haven’t kissed since that day––the kiss before it happened. The kiss before the break.

I am melted butter, gushing and soft in his embrace, though I can definitely feel the hardened bulge in his pants. Oh, god, this is unbelievable. This…no, this shouldn’t be happening. It doesn’t make sense. But I like it too much, my pulse is racing, I don’t want it to stop. Hell, my hands are moving of their own accord. I cup his face and lose myself in this kiss, in this sweet and dangerous moment because it is the only thing I can do.

“Madison,” Rhue whispers against my lips.

“Mhm?”

Nothing moves around us. I hear nothing. Maybe time did actually stop, and it’s not just an impression. The smell of his cologne mingles with the saltiness of sweat, making me wonder what his skin might feel like under my touch right now. I only have to take his shoulder gear and shirt off to get an idea. For a half-second, I see myself naked beneath him. He’s pushing harder and deeper…

“Madison,” he whispers again.

I moan into his mouth, so softly that it’s even quieter than a whisper.

Rhue traps my lower lip between his teeth for a brief moment. “Do you mind bending over so I can pound you like my father did?”

I pull away, watching as his face twists into something dark and grotesque before it takes the shape of Julian in my imagination. Rhue’s arms hold me tight. Maybe too tight. My air supply has vanished. It feels like I’m suffocating. My fantasy has rotted.

“What?” I manage, trying to discern between reality and the horrific fantasy that seems to have taken over my mind.

“Bend over and take it like a big girl,” Rhue says.

My eyes peel open because I cannot stand the sight of Rhue. I cannot stand the way he looks so much like his father right now. The mere memory of what happened between us makes me want to puke. What a terrible mistake this was.

Bile gathers in my throat as I realize that Rhue still holds me, and his smile is cold and wicked. It was a lie. A filthy, pretty lie. He got me. I’ll give credit where it’s due. He got me.

“I just wanna see what all the fuss was about. Or am I supposed to pay for that cooch like my father did?” he adds, and I immediately fight my way out from his firm grip. He opposes my release, however, and laughs.

“You piece of shit!” I grunt and kick and punch until finally I am free.

Several feet grow between us as I catch my breath, but I still can’t inhale properly. There’s nothing to inhale. Time resumes its flow, and it’s loud and cheery once again. So many noises. Laughter and horns. Ringtones and message chimes. Everything is back to normal, except me. I cannot breathe. I cannot recover. I’m in a dark spot, and Rhue is the one who did this. No one else. I’m unable to fault myself for it.

“What? Did you really think I’d want to make peace with you?” Rhue replies, only half-amused. “I thought you were the brightest one in the state, according to your SAT scores. How are you this stupid? You’re the reason my parents’ marriage fell apart. You’re the reason my mother is gone.”

“How could you?” I manage.

This is a whole different kind of assault. A violation of my soul. A belittlement of my dignity. He fooled me once, now. This one’s on him. The next time, I’ll own it. But this one is all Rhue. I thought him to be more genuine than this, to stoop so low isunlike him. Either something terrible is going on in his life, or he’s absolutely right, and I’m the village idiot.

I’m no genius. I’m not even remotely smart.

If I were, I’d have seen this coming.

“I told you the war had only just begun. What part about that declaration entailed even the slightest possibility of a truce?” Rhue says. “I wanted you, Madison, but you chose to let my father fuck you. You looked me square in the eyes while he was fucking you in my mother’s bed. How could you even imagine that this thing between us would end in anything other than tears and blood?”

---