Page 52 of Love is Angry

Good grief, she felt amazing in my arms last night. Like sin on a stick, sweetly glazed in honey and crushed almonds andeverything else that is good and wonderful in this life, yet it comes at a price—a steep price, my soul in hell for an eternity.

Somehow, paying it doesn’t feel like that much of a disaster.

“Calling those two Romeo and Juliet is like inviting tragedy,” Madison mutters, moving away from me. The scent of her fades, and I have a hard time letting it go. I’ve been thinking about this, more through the last night than the past year. I hate to use the word “epiphany,” but I may have had one. “And they’re fine,” she adds. “They’re light drinkers and still sleeping the night off.”

“Did they not freeze to death?” I chuckle, secretly thankful that she somehow let me call her Maddie. It makes our dynamic all the more intimate, despite her clear animosity towards me.

She’s doing it on purpose, though, trying to push me away. To keep me at arm’s length. It’s a defense mechanism. I learned that from Mom. I am a danger to Madison, and she knows it. It’s why she’s trying to protect herself like this, though she had no trouble finding ecstasy in my hands last night.

Damn, the memory alone is enough to get my cock pumping again. It’s been a rough night. A rough year. A rough life.

“Nah, I just saw them stirring under the covers,” Madison replies. “We should wait for them to leave before we get out.”

“Why?”

“We pretended to be other students last night,” she says, frowning. “If we reveal ourselves now, they’ll know we have something to hide.”

I move closer—close enough to feel her breath on my lips. Her heart stops beating at the same time as mine, and the silence that follow is exquisite.

“Do we have something to hide?” I ask, raising an eyebrow as I gently brush her cheek with my fingertips.

Madison shudders under my touch, but she pulls back again. She’s scared. “No.”

“You’re scared of me,” I sigh, feeling rather disappointed.

She hesitates, staring at me for a while. Her blue eyes say so much, while her lips press into a thin, sad line. “I’m not scared. Just wary. You’ve given me no reason to trust you whatsoever.”

“Last night should count.”

“It doesn’t. It was a moment of weakness, and it will not happen again,” Madison replies, choosing to gaze out the window rather than face me. “Let’s just wait until they leave and pretend we tolerate each other’s company in the meantime.”

I don’t know why I expected this to go any better, considering the hell I put her through from the moment we met in Ithaca. Perhaps it’s my entitlement. Laura likes to point that out a lot, even though she is also a recipient of the same said privilege. At least she’s aware of it. I seem to have been walking around thinking I’m owed whatever I want without considering that I might have to give something in return, as well.

Outside, it’s a rather chilly morning, the mist trickling through the woods and covering the dead leaves with a milky blanket. The corners of the cabin windows are steamed, drops of water forming before they slip down along the wooden walls. There’s still a faint scent of burnt logs in the fireplace, where only a handful of coals remain, basking in a mound of ashes. This is a nice place, once you dust it all off and clear out the cobwebs.

Again, I find myself thinking that I wouldn’t mind sticking around for a while longer. Maybe it would even be a bonus if Madison stays, too. I doubt I could keep myself good company, considering I don’t really like being left alone with my thoughts these days.

“I hurt you a lot,” I say, settling on the sofa. If Madison wants us to wait, I’ll wait. I’m in no position to demand anything of her. “But you hurt me first, Madison.”

I pause to look at her. She’s gazing out the window, her shoulder pressed into the frame. There’s a pink bloom persistingin her cheeks, and I am reminded of how beautiful she truly is. She’s wearing her hair longer these days, either loose in lazy curls that drape down her back or pulled up in a tight bun. I imagine twisting one lock around my finger while we lay in bed, the morning sun bathing us both in gold—this needs to stop.

“What I don’t understand is what triggered this change in mindset,” Madison mutters, her gaze fixed on something outside. I hear murmurs. A muffled conversation. Cameron and Lindsey are slowly coming to, descending from the drunken steamy sex madness of last night and into the crisp and chilling morning in the middle of a forest. “I mean, less than a week ago you were promising me more hell to pay. And I doubt you’re dumb enough to try and play me twice like you did after the game. I’m obviously not gonna fall for that again.”

“Wondering what my mom would think of me if she saw me now,” I say, more to myself than to her.

“Don’t say that,” Madison says.

I shake my head. I’m telling the truth, and as nice as Madison thinks she’s being right now, she’s also wrong. Saying it out loud is exactly what I need to do. I’m fucking tired of being angry, tired of being vengeful. If I keep this up, I’ll become a monster, just like my father – filled with enough hate to drown the world.

“So, you’ve had a change of heart?” Madison says, breaking the silence we’ve fallen into.

“Maybe? I don’t know. I don’t know what to think of you or how to move forward. I don’t know how to make things right, if that is even possible. I only know that I don’t like this conflict between us. It’s draining the energy out of me,” I tell her. “It’s making me jaded and tired. We’re both too young to dry out like this.”

Madison scoffs, crossing her arms before she gives me a contemptuous sideways glance. “You’re the most selfish person I have ever met. And you’ll remember I met your father.”

“That’s a low kick, even for you,” I say, hoping the anger that flashes in my eyes as she mentions my father isn’t all too noticeable.

“It’s the truth. You are selfish,” she says. “But Rhue, I––” She pauses upon hearing a soft thud on the porch and then her thought hops on a whole different train. “Oh, they’re leaving,” she continues, her focus now on Cameron and Lindsey. I never get to hear the rest of whatever confession Madison was about to make.

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