Page 15 of Love is Fake

“Please tell me this story doesn’t end with you killing Lennox Freakin’ Gray.” She closes her eyes, her hands in the prayer position and I shove her with my shoulder.

“If that had happened, youdefinitelywould’ve heard about it by now. You’d be my first call to dispose of the body.”

Kiara finally opens her eyes, shaking her head at me in mock-despair. “So after that stellar first impression, then what happened?”

I flit around the bedroom, putting on the clothes Kiara hands me as I tell her an edited version of the story of my day. I negate the part about just how pissed Lennox was about me being Michael’s replacement, knowing it’d only cause her to worry. She listens silently, indicating with a shake of her head that I should wear the yoga pants she’s selected and not the comfy scrubs I picked out for myself.

“If everything’s fine. What’s got you so nervous? You’re not crushing on your client, are you?”

I laugh as if that were the craziest idea in the world. “Sure, because what right-minded, self-respecting woman wouldn’t fall for a guy who hasn’t been anything but a smug asshole towards her?”

Kiara doesn’t even blink at my evasion, waiting for me to convince her.

“He’s a big deal,” I tell her, shoving the binder I only got half-way through before I fell asleep into my bag. “I don’t want to screw this up.”

The explanation is close enough to the whole truth to satisfy her. Kiara’s expression softens as she takes me by the hand and steers me toward the wardrobe mirror, putting her hands on my shoulders and standing behind me as I look at our reflections. We couldn’t look any more different from each other and yet she’s most definitely the sister I never had.

“You’ve got this, Iz.” She says the words slowly and I nod at her in confusion.

“I know. I know. It’ll be fine.” I try to add enough conviction to my words, but Kiara senses my doubt like a bloodhound.

“Don’t tellme,” she says, shaking her head. “Tell her.” She points at my reflection in the mirror and I roll my eyes.

“Come on, Ki. I’m going to be late.” I move to turn, but she holds me firmly and I know I’m not going to be able to get out of this no matter how uncomfortable it makes me.

“Why are you so weird about looking at yourself in the mirror? You’re gorgeous with that whole ‘pale and interesting’ Irish rose thing going on, so it can’t be the way you look. So, what gives?”

It’s not the first time Kiara’s asked me that question and it’s not the first time I’ve dodged it like a damn bullet.

I sigh heavily. “If I do this, will you stop digging your talons into me?”

Her expression softens and with it, I feel pieces of my heart chipping away. She motions for me to go ahead.

I can’t fight the sadness that stirs in my gut when I stare at my reflection. It’s weird to see the mother who left you staring back. My dad once told me that she and I could be twins, except my eyes are green where hers were blue. It’s been a while since he’s said those words to me, and yet they still linger, clawing at the most tender parts of my heart. I don’t exactly remember what she looks like. In fact, I don’t remember anything about her at all. The one photograph I have of her, she’s looking over her shoulder as she walks away, like she was already half-way out of the door, even then. But even though her face is barely visible there, I see myself. The rose-colored blush on snow white cheeks, the softness of her jaw and of mine. Whenever I look into the mirror, I see the her in me and…

“Any time now, Iz. It’s not like you’ve got somewhere to be or anything.” Kiara manages to inject a healthy eye roll into her voice and the threat of being lateagainis enough to spur me into action.

This time, I pull my shoulders back and do as my friend has instructed. I look into my own green eyes, ignoring all the negative self-talk that tries to derail me. Instead, I remember the girl I was when I first met Lennox - the shy, awkward, clumsy, sad, fearful teenager who wanted to disappear and I think about how far I’ve come in the intervening years.

I may still be clumsy, and sadness might shadow me more often than I’d like to admit, but I’ve grown up and I’ve grown stronger. And although my confidence may fail me now and again, I don’t feel so lost, so fragile, anymore. I’ve learned that I can cope with more or less whatever life throws at me and Lennox Gray is no exception.

“You’ve got this,” I tell the woman in the mirror and – this time – I sound like I might actually be starting to believe it.

“Feel better?” Kiara relaxes her death-grip on my shoulders as I turn around to face her.

“Much,” I reply, only a little sarcastic.

“See, I’m always right!” Kiara smirks and I roll my eyes at her. “Now, get on the road before you blow it – being late once is cute, twice just looks unprofessional.”

“Thanks for the pep talk, Ki.” I shake my head at her and laugh, hurrying towards the door.

“And, Izzy,” I turn at the serious note in my friend’s voice, “be careful around him. Keep your distance.”

The warning surprises me, although I’d be lying if I said it was unwarranted. There’s something about Lennox that hints at danger, at an adrenaline rush waiting to happen. An adrenaline rush waiting to end in disaster.

“I’m careful with all my clients, Ki, you know that. And keeping distance is a little hard when my job is pretty hands-on!” I purposely misunderstand her – we both know she’s not talking about physical distance, she’s talking about how I invest in people, how I lead with my emotions right out of the gate. And something about what I’ve told her about Lennox has her spidey senses tingling about me putting myself out there.

Kiara gives me one last searching look before smiling. It’s a genuine smile that causes the tension between my shoulders to ease…just a little.

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