Page 55 of Love is Fake

I cover my mouth with my hand. What a way to find out your life has been a lie.

“Nox, I’m so sorry.” I cross the distance between us, any residual anger I felt dissipating immediately, wrapping my arms around his waist and leaning my head against his chest. He doesn’t hesitate before holding me and we stand like that for a few moments before he starts talking again.

“We never got along,” he admits. “Senior has always been tight with Laurie, my little sister, but nothing I did was ever good enough for him. As I got older I just stopped trying.” I feel Lennox shake his head at the memory and I hold him a little tighter, hearing the pain in his voice. “You asked if it was always ice hockey for me – the truth was I made up my mind to do whatever Gray Seniordidn’twant me to do. He wanted me to play college football, so I knew I sure as shit wasn’t gonna do that. He thought ice hockey was just a pointless hobby. So, naturally, that’s where I focused all my energy.”

“Naturally,” I murmur, smiling at the stubbornness of this man who has become so important to me.

“Once I heard Gray wasn’t my real father, it was like I’ve been given permission to step away from a family I never really felt was mine.”

My heart actually hurts at Lennox’s admission. I always thought he had the perfect life growing up, a life I was jealous of. It turns out I couldn’t have been more wrong.

“I went looking for my biological father. My mom wouldn’t help – she didn’t want anything to do with me finding him. She’s always been under Gray Senior’s thumb, probably because he was the one who paid for everything. She was so worried about making him angry, everything else came second, even her own kids.” Lennox doesn’t sound sad about it, more like he’s just stating a fact and I’m not sure what’s more heartbreaking. “You asked why I don’t go back home, that’s why.”

I lift my head from his chest looking up to see him looking down at me, his expression unreadable.

“You don’t have to tell me the rest if you’re not ready.” I squeeze my arms around him a little tighter, bringing our bodies even closer together, telling him with my touch that I support him with everything I am.

“That’s just it, Izzy. It’s the damnedest thing; you make mewantto tell you every goddam secret I’ve ever had.” He shakes his head as if he doesn’t understand it himself. But I do, it’s the same feeling I get around him. I stay silent, not trusting my voice and giving Lennox the space to say whatever he needs to.

“It took me a helluva long time to find my real father – when you don’t even have a name to start off with, it turns out tracking someone down is a full-time job!” Lennox huffs a laugh without humor and I think about how little the Grays deserve a son like him. “I found him during my last year of college; I had offers from a few different NHL teams, but when the Pelicans wantedto recruit me and it turned out my biological father was in New York, it felt kind of like it was meant to be, you know?” I feel him shake his head. “I know it sounds fucking stupid, but that’s how it felt at the time.”

“It doesn’t sound stupid,” I lift my head to look at him. “It doesn’t sound stupid at all.” It sounds like a man who was desperate to find a family he’s never felt he had. That’s not idiotic, it’s heartbreaking. “What was his name?” I ask, quietly.

“Jonas. His name was Jonas. He was a landscaper, worked on the Gray property and fell for my mom. I think a part of him was in love with her until the day he died…Anyway, he was a kid from the wrong side of the tracks and although he tried to persuade mom to run away with him, she liked the finer things in life too much to give it all up for a man earning minimum wage.” The disappointment in his voice is palpable. “Gray Senior paid him off, told him never to come back. Jonas didn’t even know he had a kid until I contacted him. He said if he’d known…” Lennox’s voice is thick with emotion. “If he’d known he would have come looking for me.”

I decide I really freakin’ hate the parents Lennox grew up with for denying him the chance to know his father, for taking something so fundamental away from him.

“When he left Alabama, he used the pay-off money to set up his landscaping business, he hired Miguel and they became like brothers. Miguel was the one who helped him to get sober, the one who kept him on the straight and narrow, at least as much as he could. But he couldn’t protect him from my asshole of a stepfather.”

“What do you mean?” I ask, but I’m afraid I already know.

“When Gray Senior heard I found my dad, myrealdad, I guess he was worried about how it would look to the world once word got out. I was already doing interviews, getting news coverage and he must’ve thought there was a risk I’d blurt outon national television the family secret the untouchable Gray family has kept for 25 years!” His beautiful mouth twists with bitterness. “He called Jonas and threatened him, and I guess it tipped him over the edge, according to Miguel, he hit the bottle pretty hard and – well… you know the rest. He was dead before the ambulance even got there. I haven’t spoken to Gray Senior or my mom since then and I have no fucking intention to.”

“I’m so, so sorry, Nox.” I hold onto him tighter because my words feel so insufficient. I want to take away all his pain, but I can’t. My heart actually hurts for him and tears I never cry are threatening to make their way down my cheeks.

“I know, baby. I know.” Lennox rubs my back, kissing my hair, soothing me as if I’m the one who needs comforting.

“I’m so sorry you had to go through all of that.” I can’t imagine what that must be like. Mine is the most important person in my life, although Lennox is climbing the ranks disconcertingly quickly.

“Me too,” he says quietly, and we just stand there, holding each other in silence, gathering strength from each other.

Lennox breaks the quiet first, lifting my chin up so that my eyes meet his. The emotions I see swirling in their depths make me catch my breath. “There are only three people in the world who know the whole of that story. Kai, Maria and Miguel. And now there’s you.”

“I would never say anything -,” I start, hoping he doesn’t really think I’d share anything we spoke about, NDA or not.

“That’s not what I meant,” he interrupts, shaking his head, frustrated with me or himself, I’m not certain. “I guess, I’m just trying to say you’re important to me, Isabella.”

“You’re important to me, too,” I tell him and, again, my words are nowhere near enough to let him know how I really feel. Therearewords for it, I’m just not ready to say them to him, or even to myself. Not yet.

Still, as he kisses me, it feels as if we’re both saying all the things we can’t yet speak out loud.

Chapter

Sixteen

“No-one would ever believe this if I told them.” My chin rests in my palms, elbows on the breakfast bar as I watch Lennox.

“Believe what? That I’m a damn magician in the kitchen?” He throws me a suggestive look. “And in other rooms in the house - if you’re screaming this morning is anything to go by.”

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