Page 75 of Closer

“It had to be before the tour,” Deb says.She’s fucking crazy.

I shake my head. No.No fucking chance. “No way would he keep it from me that long.”

“Think about it, Levi. Ash used to go through groupies just like the rest of you, but when he was on tour, did any of you see him with a girl?” Deb gives each one of us an accusatory glare. “He’s been sick all fucking month. Did none of you notice?”

“I just thought he had a flu he couldn’t shake.”

The paramedics are ushered in by a sound tech. They ask a bunch of questions before even touching him. They’re wearing gloves already, but I feel like I should tell them. I don’t want to be the one to say it, but no one else is. They’re all still in shock. How did we not see this? Why didn’t he tell us, tell me?

“He has AIDS,” I blurt out.

“Symptoms? What happened here?” The paramedic is stoic with his response.Of course he is. It doesn’t affect him. It’s not his best friend passed out on the floor. “How long has he been infected; does he take medication?”

“I don’t know. None of us knew until about ten minutes ago.”

“What’s his name?”

“Ash.”

The paramedic kneels by Ash’s head and calls his name. Ash doesn’t respond. The man makes a fist and rubs his knuckles over Ash’s sternum. “I need an Ambu bag here.”

The other paramedic swings into action, grabbing a mask with a bag attached to it as the first paramedic checks Ash’s airways and tilts his head, placing the mask over his face.

“He’s gonna be okay, right?”

“I can’t answer that. The hospital will run some tests. Do any of you know anything more about his condition?”

I look to the group, but everyone just shakes their head.

The paramedics hook the bag up to oxygen and put him on the stretcher. We all gather outside as the ambulance takes him away with sirens screaming. Then we pile into Zed’s jeep and follow the ambulance at breakneck speed. Zed tries to keep up as much as he can, but we get stuck at several lights and have to speed so we don’t lose them. None of us know what’s going on and it’s a special kind of torture knowing that there’s nothing we can do for him.

Ali meets us at the hospital. It’s the first time I’ve seen her since her wedding night, and she hugs me tight. Too tight. I can’t breathe as it is, and when I wrap my arms around her small frame, I’m just going through the motions.

We sit in the waiting room and I stare down at the dried blood on my arm, Ash’s blood. I scratch at it, and Deb glares at me. She gets up and walks to the nurse’s station, coming back a few minutes later with an antiseptic wipe that she hands to me.

I lose my shit. I don’t mean to. I don’t want to break down in the middle of a busy hospital waiting room, but I do. I roar my frustration at one of the nurses when she asks if I need help. I tell her to fuck off, that it’s not my blood, and I’m asked to leave not so politely by security. Once I’m away from the doors, I slide down the wall and bury my head in my hands.Why the fuck didn’t he tell me? He came to France two weeks ago. I try to remember everything that transpired in those two days, but I was drunk, and—as usual—so preoccupied with my own shit that I don’t remember a single fucking conversation.Did he plan on keeping this shit to himself until the day he died?

My phone rings and I answer it without checking the number in case it’s Deb or one of the boys. “Hello?”

“Monsieur?”

I frown, not expecting a call because I talked to her just last week. “Margaux?”

“Monsieur, you have to come home, Mademoiselle Kagawa is here.”

“What?”

“She came back for you, Monsieur.”

“Margaux, I’m kind of in the middle of something here.”

“But, she came for you. She could not live without you.”

“Margaux, my best friend was just admitted to the hospital. I don’t have time for Brie’s fucking head games right now. I don’t need her here fucking shit up.”

“But, Monsieur—”

I don’t hear whatever else she planned to say because I throw my phone against the wall.

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