Page 89 of Closer

“It just ... it makes me unworthy. Pick a thing, any thing. All of it makes me unworthy of her, but to answer your question, she pulled me from my bathtub, and left me in the hospital. I wasn’t even out of the ICU before she hopped a flight back to Paris.”

“So, she isn’t perfect. A mere mortal then? Perhaps one who makes mistakes and doesn’t believe she can atone for them.”

“Ah, Doc, I appreciate you tryin’.”

She cocks her head to the side, like all shrinks do. I wonder if that’s covered in the 101 of head shrinking. “What exactly do you think I’m trying to do, Levi?”

“You’re trying to get me to see that Brie is human, just like me.”

“And is it working?”

“Even if I could find her—she changed her number, by the way, did I tell you that?”

“No, you didn’t, but you were saying?”

I let out a huge fucking exasperated sigh. “What the hell would I say? Sorry I tried to kill myself. Sorry I treated you like shit and refused to talk to you. Sorry you had to pull my body from the tub?”

“It’s a start.”

I shake my head. “She deserves more, better.”

“And if she wants you?”

“Then where the hell is she?”

“I don’t know. I can’t speak for Brie, but I can tell you that it’s human to err. Perhaps Brie has made mistakes of her own that she doesn’t know how to apologise for. Or perhaps she’ll threaten to call the police, and have you arrested if you show up on her door, but the fact remains that if you never ask for her forgiveness, you’ll never know what her answer might be.”

“So what, I’m just supposed to drop everything and fly to Paris? Try to find her and say sorry?”

“I cannot tell you what to do, Levi. Only you can make those decisions. But if it were me?” Her lip twists in a smile, just the corner.This bitch is a master manipulator. Worse still, I’m paying her big bucks for this shit. “I’d have booked that flight already.”

“And if she rejects me?”

“Then at least you’ll have closure, and you can finally move on with your life.”

Right. As if that’s even remotely a possibility.

“Closure, huh?” I climb to my feet, because even though we still have a few minutes left, we’re done for today. I need to be done for today. “And if her rejection leads me to another bottle of Jack?”

“Then you’ll know how to tell Jack no with all of the exercises the clinic taught you.”

“Because it’s that easy?”

“No one said it would be easy, Levi. In fact, I remember telling you in our first session that the following few months would be some of the hardest of your life.”

“Yeah, and if I need those few months to be over?”

“Oh, they won’t ever be over.” This time she does smile, but it’s more challenge than pity, so I don’t cringe. “You will struggle with your addictions the remainder of your adult life, but you won’t beat yourself up over it forever. One day you’ll forgive yourself for all of the hurt you caused your loved ones, then perhaps you’ll be able to see that they’ve already forgiven you.”

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