Page 60 of Styx & Stones

She grins at me. “Good point.”

“We can’t stay here.” I shake my head, not wanting to even set foot across the threshold. She deserves so much better than this. I mean, we haven’t exactly been hitting the high-rollers’ rooms on this trip, but she deserves better than ... brown.

“Sure we can.” She jumps on the bed and I move inside the room and close the door behind me.

“Stones, I don’t know if you should be on there.”

“Why? Afraid I’ll catch a life-threatening disease? Too late.” She winks and pokes out her tongue, fishing her phone out of the pocket of her jeans.

I wish she wouldn’t do that. Make light of our illnesses. I mean, fobbing off my illness and making jokes has always been a coping mechanism for me, but I swear to God it’s like a knife to the fucking heart every time she does it. Every time she reminds me this is finite, that we’re finite.

“What’s up, Addicts?” she says to the camera on her phone. “We’re currently in our lovely accommodations for the evening. You guys, you’ve never seen anything browner. Seriously, it’s like shit puked in here. Isn’t that right, Styx?”

I push off the dresser and come closer. “It’s exactly like shit puked up in here.”

“See? I’m not lying.” She turns the camera to the room and pans slowly across the furnishings. I come up behind her and wrap my arms around her waist. Tucking my face in against her neck, I kiss her soft skin. She tilts her head, allowing me better access, and I kiss her soft and slow, licking, sucking, and gently sweeping my teeth over her tender flesh until she’s panting. She tastes like salt and coconut body cream. A little moan escapes her, and for a beat, I forgot she was still filming.

“Say goodbye, Stones,” I say.

“Goodbye, Stones,” she says with a chuckle, and tosses the phone down on the bed.

“You turned it off, right?”

“What? You don’t wanna cross ‘make a sex tape’ off your bucket list?”

I laugh and reach for the phone. “Not today.” I glance away from her lips to the screen and sure enough, it’s still recording. “Sorry, kids. This is a private show. Besides, we’re already in enough trouble. I don’t wanna spend whatever time we have left in a jail cell for contributing to the child pornography epidemic.” I wink and hit the end button, and toss the phone on the bed.

“Pornography, huh? What makes you think we’re getting naked at all?” she asks.

“Er ... nothing. We don’t have to do anything if you don’t want to.”

She laughs and pushes me back on the bed, and climbs on top. “I’m kidding. We’re totally getting naked. I’m going to shower first though.”

“O-okay.” She climbs off my body and across the bed. She grabs the toiletries and sterile dressing kit for her PICC line from the duffle bag and heads into the bathroom. I fold my arms behind my head and stare up at the ceiling, puffing out my cheeks and slowly exhaling.

“Styx?” Alaska pokes her head around the doorframe.

I turn and look at her. “Yeah?”

“It’s normal that I’m terrified, right?”

I grin. “Yeah, I think that’s perfectly normal.”

“Are you—”

“Yeah. I’m terrified too.”

She exhales a huge sigh and covers her face with her hands. “Oh, thank God. Don’t go anywhere, okay?”

“I won’t.”

She disappears from view and the door snicks softly closed behind her. I try to calm my trembling limbs, but I can’t so I get up and remove my clothes. Then I realize that’s kinda fucked up. What if she doesn’t want to? What if she thinks I’m being presumptuous? What if she takes one look at my chemo body and runs for the hills?

I get dressed again, as quickly as I can, and then I lie on the bed, but that’s too presumptuous too, right? What the fuck? How do guys do this shit?

Breathe, Styx.

Just fucking breathe.

---