Page 87 of Jett

I inhale and slowly let it out. My fingers toy with the chain while I debate walking away.How long before he busts down the door just to get to me? Finally, I slide the lock free and unlock the deadbolt. I open the door and still as I taken him in—dishevelled hair, dark circles under his eyes, and not a trace of anger or rage in his pupils like I expected—just relief, just love.

I suck in a sharp breath as he draws me toward him. I let myself be pulled, allowing him to wrap his big arms around me and press my head to his heaving chest.

“I missed you so fuckin’ much,” Jetthro whispers.

I can’t form words, though the same is true for me. I missed him like oxygen when you can’t take a breath. I’m drowning without him, but I don’t know how to keep my head above water when he’s close by. I cling to him until my fingers and forearms ache from holding on so tight, and he leans his chin against the crown of my head. My tears are staining his shirt, soaking them right through, but if he cares at all about that, he doesn’t show it.

Finally, Jett clears his throat. “You gonna come home with me, darlin’?”

I sniff and step back because I can’t hug him while I break his heart. “I can’t.”

“Yeah, you can. It’s real easy. You just slide your little arse on the back of my bike and we ride off into the fuckin’ sunset.”

“No. The house you shared with Mia is not my home, that apartment is no longer my home—I can’t set foot in that building again.”

“Then we’ll find a new apartment, a new house. I’ll build you a fuckin’ palace if you want, but you’re coming home with me.”

“No, Jett. I’m not.”

“So, what? You’re just gonna live here with Kimba forever?”

I shake my head and lower my gaze. The truth is, I hadn’t given much thought to my next move at all because every time I pictured my future, I couldn’t imagine one without Jett. All of those things he envisioned with Mia—a huge house filled with kids and dogs and motorcycles—I want all of that, but I don’t know how it’s possible given that danger follows the Savage Saints MC. “I don’t know.”

He shakes his head and runs a hand through his hair. “This is bullshit.”

I slap him, hard. He grips my wrist and squeezes so tight I cry out. “I lost a child because of this bullshit.”

“We,” he says, dropping my arm. “Welost a child. Or did you forget that baby was mine too?”

“She has a name.”

“Yeah, she does. And torturing me isn’t gonna bring Sophie back.”

“You think that’s why I’m doing this? To make you suffer?”

“Isn’t it?”

“You know, for a grown man you sure are a self-indulgent, narcissistic arsehole, Jett.”

“Then why don’t you tell me why you up and left me?”

“Because I can’t be with you! I can’t forgive you!”

“I don’t know if you know this, but I wasn’t the one who caused that miscarriage.”

“God, you don’t get it, do you? How can I go back to you when I can’t even look at you? Your lifestyle caused this. Your enemies came after me and our daughter, and she died.” My voice cracks over the words. Jett reaches for me, but I step back. “I don’t know how to move past this. I have no idea where we go from here, but I can’t be with you right now. I can’t even look at you without feeling sick to my stomach.” As soon as the words have left my mouth, I regret them. I regret them, and I can’t take them back because it’s the truth. I love him, but a part of me will always blame him for the death of our child, and that’s not something I can just forgive.

“You want me to choose? You want me to walk away from the club? Fine. It’s done. I’d give up everything for you, Raine. I’d go to ground faster than you could blink if I thought it would make you happy. If I thought you could look at me again without being sick.”

“Jett—”

He holds up his hand to silence me. “I get you’re heartbroken. I am too. I lost fuckin’ everything that day, but us being apart doesn’t change it. You punishing me doesn’t change the fact you love me.”

He’s right. It doesn’t, but I’m not avoiding him because I want to punish him, I’m not going back because I don’t know how to love someone who’s been my undoing, whose decisions have caused me to lose my entire world. I take a deep breath and grab the door handle. I finally meet his gaze as I say, “No, it won’t, but maybe time will.”

“Raine—”

“I love you, Jetthro, but not enough to forgive you.” I slam the door and lock it, slumping against the wood and stained glass as he pounds on the other side, and the tears well in my eyes. I sob uncontrollably. I don’t care that he can hear me. I don’t care that it undermines everything I just said. The truth is, I can’t go back to him. Not now, maybe not ever.

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