Page 109 of Savage

“Sit your arse down and eat,” he says, and I bristle all over. I don’t want to make a scene in front of his mother, but if we were alone, I would have picked up my plate and thrown it at him by now.Christ, he drives me fucking crazy. I can’t keep up. One minute he’s hot, the next I’m reaching for a fucking thermal blanket to ward away the chill.

“I need a minute,” I say to Adeline. She just gives me a small understanding smile.

“Ivy!” Tank shouts.

“Jonah,” his mother snaps, and he turns to look at her while I stalk out of the room and slip into the bathroom. I lock the door behind me and lean my weight against it. Outside, I can hear them arguing in hushed whispers.

“What the fuck else am I supposed to do, Ma?”

“Well, you’re not supposed to embarrass her in front of your mother, dumbarse.”

He gives a pained sigh. “I just … I don’t know what the fuck I’m fighting for if she won’t fight to save herself.”

“You’re a good man, Jonah.” He hisses, and she goes on. “It’s true. I know you don’t save lives at the club, but I know you save the ones that matter. And I can see that she matters. You need to find a way to tread more carefully with her, though, or she will run, and this will all be for nothing.”

This is all for nothing.Doesn’t he see that? I can’t be fixed, glued or taped back together, because I’ve never been whole. I’m not worth mending. The sooner he comes to understand this, the better.

I can’t hear anymore. I move away from the door and stand in front of the sink, resting my arms on the porcelain basin. I stare long and hard at my reflection, and then I carefully open the cabinet again and take out the little cardboard boxes of pills. I take one of each and put them in my bra, because if I pop an oxy now, I’ll be falling off the damn bike the whole way home.

I place the boxes back in the cabinet and quietly close the door. Tank’s voice rises again. “I don’t care, just as long as she’s alive to still be a fuckin’ pain in my arse.”

My chest warms, and I glance down at the pills in my bra and shake my head. It doesn’t matter how he feels about me. I’m a lost cause. I steal pain medication from old ladies with back problems. I lie, and I cheat and steal to get what I want. I don’t deserve someone like Tank; I don’t even deserve Kick. I deserve someone as evil and as fucked up as my father, because I’m exactly what he made me: a thieving, drug-addicted whore.

“You need to trust that she knows what’s right for her, Jonah.”

“I need to save her from herself.”

“No, you need to stand by her whileshesaves herself. Not all women are strong enough. I wasn’t, and I regret every day that I hadn’t taken a stand against your father. I regret every day that it had to be you. Let her save herself, and she’ll save you in return.”

I can’t listen to any more of this. I can’t have Adeline give him hope for a future with me because there is none. I have no future, I have no prospects, and I certainly have no intention of falling in love with a man I don’t deserve. I yank open the door and join them at the table. Adeline releases her son’s hand and straightens.

“Well, let’s eat. Ivy, if there’s too much on your plate, don’t eat it all. We don’t want you exploding on us.”

Tank lets out a groan and picks up his fork, stabbing at a potato.

“Jonah. Let’s not be a tyrant and say grace, shall we?”

He huffs and takes hold of his mother’s hand. Adeline rests her well-manicured hand on top of mine. The shell pink polish stands out in stark relief against my worn, chipped nails. She gives me a gentle smile and bows her head as she says grace, adding on to the end, “Grant Jonah the gift of patience, and God, we ask that you grant Ivy the strength to put up with him. God knows he can be an ogre.”

I try to stifle a laugh, but it comes out anyway. Adeline laughs too, and even as I roll my gaze upward to meet Tank’s, I find him fighting that gorgeous grin that teases at the corner of his lips. I realise that I want that smile badly, but he just shakes his head and starts devouring his meal.

The food is delicious and, despite there being far too much, I find myself eating all of it. When we’re done, Tank leans back in his chair and pats his distended belly. It’s hard to believe there’s even a stomach under that wall of abs he’s so fond of showing off. “Thanks, Ma. It was delicious, as always.”

“You’re welcome, puddin’.” She pats his hand and stands. “You know what? Why don’t you go sit out on the deck? Ivy can help me clear these things away.”

“It’s okay. I got it—”

“You know, Son, subtlety never really was your strong suit. Go, shoo. I want to have a girl-to-girl chat with Ivy.”

Oh no. No, no, no, no.

I send Tank a pleading glance, and he just chuckles and strolls out onto the deck that separates the dining room from the yard.

“Thanks for lunch. It really was delicious.”

“You’re very welcome. I’m glad you enjoyed it.” She carries dishes of food into the kitchen, and I follow her with the stack of plates I collected. “I’m sorry about Jonah’s behaviour. He really is a beast sometimes, but he means well.”

“Yeah. I’m familiar with how much of a beast he can be.”

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