CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
IVY
FIFTEEN YEARS AGO
Inever wanted to disappoint Mummy. Daddy seemed to hurt her enough. I tried to be good. I didn’t cry when I told her mine and Daddy’s secret—the one he said we mustn’t ever tell because no one would understand. I didn’t cry, but she did. She howled like those wolves I’d seen on TV when they lost their little wolves. And then she’d squeezed me so tight I’d thought I’d explode all over the bathroom.
I’d been sent to my room then, and when Daddy came home, the yelling had started. It’s still going. There’s a storm outside too, and the thunder monsters are yelling and stomping as loud as Daddy is downstairs. I cuddle under my blankets with Banjo because he doesn’t like storms. When it rains heavy like this, we go to Mummy and Daddy’s bed, and Banjo and I get cuddled, and he’s not so afraid. But no one is cuddling us tonight.
I wish I’d never told Mummy about our secret.
When my eyes get too heavy, I fall asleep. My door creaking open wakes me, and I let out a tiny, fearful little scream when someone sits down on my bed.
“Shh, baby it’s me,” Mummy says, and I pull back the covers and feel her tears as they splash onto my hands. “We have to be really quiet, okay? You and I are going to take a little trip.”
“Is Daddy coming too?” I whisper.
“No, sweet girl. Just you and me.” In a flash of lightning from outside the window, I see her face crinkle with pain, her eye is all puffy and closed. She pulls me from the bed and whispers, “Okay come on. Two brave girls off on an adventure—what do you say?”
I nod, and she smiles, but then she starts to cry again. “Good girl. We’re gonna need to be real quiet, so we don’t wake Daddy, okay?”
“Okay. But Mummy … why are we leaving Daddy behind? Won’t he be sad without us?”
“No. He doesn’t love us, baby. He wants to hurt us.” She sets me down and crouches in front of me, holding my hands in hers. “What he did to you wasn’t right. No one has the right to touch you like that, do you hear me?” I stare at her. My chest feels tight, and my eyes start to leak just like hers. “Now, come on, let’s get your robe on and go.”
“But it’s raining,” I say, tugging on her hand and pointing to the window. “Shouldn’t we wait until it stops?”
“It’s just a little rain. Drizzle, baby. Nothing to worry about.”
It isn't drizzling, though; it’s pouring down so loudly I can hear it pinging off the roof.
I let her carry me down the stairs, and I feel safe and warm in her arms. I don’t like that I upset her. I don’t like that Daddy has hurt her. I don’t like leaving in the middle of the night during a rainstorm, but I go anyway.
When we get in the car, I realise that I left Banjo behind. “Mummy, wait. Banjo.” I cry.
“We can’t go back, honey.”
“But it’s Banjo. Grandma gave him to me.”
“It’s not safe for us to go back in the house,” my mother snaps, and then she gives me another of those smiles that aren’t really happy. “I’ll buy you a new Banjo.”
I wail loudly.I don’t want to leave my teddy behind. Mummy glances back at the house. She’s fretting the way Grandma does when I put my sticky hands on her white couches. Mummy turns and points at me. “You stay here. Do not move. Okay? I’m going to get Banjo and then we’re going to leave.”
“Okay,” I squeak through my tears.
Only she doesn’t come back to the car. And we don’t go on our secret big girl mission. I get scared of being all alone, and I think maybe Mummy needs help finding Banjo. He’s under my covers, right at the very end of my bed tucked between my sheets. I put him there because he doesn’t like thunder, and he doesn’t like it when my mummy and daddy fight, and I couldn’t cover his ears all night because I’d needed to sleep.
I wish I’d stayed asleep.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
IVY
Ijolt awake. I blink my eyes several times and lie quietly on the bed, wondering what woke me.
“Ivy. Babe, wake up.”
Tank.