“Not?”
“He held me after. Told me I was safe.” I paused. “Then the next morning, he made me eat breakfast after he’d had me lie with my legs spread on the counter while he cooked.”
“Holy shit.”
“Yeah. It was degrading. And I was so wet I wanted to die.”
Kit let out a low whistle. “Girl…”
“I know, I’m fucked up.” I covered my face with a pillow as I listened to her response.
She didn’t miss a beat “No, you’re not. But if it doesn’t feel right, you need to use a safe word.”
“It does,” I whispered. “That’s what scares me.”
“Babe, you’re two consenting adults, you do you. Let that freak flag fly.”
“I didn’t even know I had a freak flag until Friday.”
“Well, now you do. Enjoy it, and don’t feel ashamed about it.”
I was still coming to grips with this new side of me. “I’ll try my best.”
“So, you’re at your apartment until Friday? Does that mean you’re working this week?”
I nodded even though she couldn’t see me. “Yeah. I’ve got the night shift tonight and Thursday, and the lunch shift Tuesday and Wednesday. I really need the money.”
There was a pause. “Do you feel okay going back?”
“It’s just dancing,” I said quickly. “I’ve done it a thousand times.”
But even as the words left my mouth, something about them felt off. Like maybe it wasn’t just dancing anymore. Had I always had a voyeur kink and just never knew it?
“Let me know if you want to hang out sometime this week.”
“I will. Thanks for checking on me.”
“Of course. You’re my ride or die. I’m not going to let anything bad happen to you.”
If only it were that simple.
My dad was dead, but the loan sharks he owed didn’t care, and I’d sold myself to protect my mom, sister, and family dog.
Now I was collared, used, and fucked—in more ways than one.
And part of me wanted more.
I didn’t have time to unpack it, a thousand dollar loan shark payment was due, and I was still a couple hundred short. I had a night shift to make.
By seven, I was back onstage at the club, strutting around with pasties on my nipples while the bass thumped through the speakers.
Same stage, same pole, but something was different now.
It was me.
I used to feel powerful up here, like I was the one in control.
But tonight, as I wrapped myself around the pole and dropped into a slow grind, it didn’t feel like power.