Page 34 of The Devil's Mercy

“You looked down on me for getting off,” he growled.

“You remember?” Aodhan tilted his head.

“No. You played me the video like some sick sadist. I saw it there.” He’d barely caught it through the shock, but it knocked something loose within him. “Because of the drugs, I don’t reallyrecall much of that night at all. I don’t remember anything about…that.”

“Our first time was admittedly messy.” The doctor hesitated and then placed his chopsticks down on the table. “I was being cruel on purpose. I was frustrated and didn’t understand why I was changing my mind about you, but I didn’t mean that. Lots of people get turned on in situations like those, baby. It’s just stimulation. It couldn’t be helped. It doesn’t say anything about you or your character.”

It wouldn’t be the first time Calix’s body had reacted when his mind had rejected what was being done to him.

But it was the first time hearing from his abuser that it wasn’t his fault.

That he wasn’t deplorable and a lost cause.

“He’s right.” Titus fed him another dumpling. “It’s just like how you got hard when you hit Nero with your car.” He pretended not to notice when Calix winced. “Everyone likes to believe the mind has complete and total control over the body, but that’s just not the case. Physical reactions such as those are unavoidable.”

“He was hurting me,” Cal pointed out. “I was bleeding. That can’t be—”

“Maybe for some, the pain would have been enough to keep them from being turned on,” Aodhan replied. “But for others, people like you, who enjoy the pain? Maybe not even. Overstimulation could easily confuse the brain, making it misplace those feelings.”

“I didn’t want it!”

“No, of course not,” Titus comforted him, and it seemed legitimate.

“You were against it, disgusted by it, but your body reacted,” Aodhan said. “That’s all it was, Cal. It wasn’t your intention, or your fault. That’s not the reason I keep saying youliked it. I don’t mean to belittle or to blame you. It’s not that I wrongly believe you wanted it in the moment, I know you didn’t.”

Calix glanced away, but that didn’t stop the other man from finishing his statement.

“I say you like it because now that you know it was me, you want me to do it again. You want me to sneak up on you, throw you to the ground, and force you to take whatever I want to give. Most importantly? You want it to hurt.”

He did.

He hadn’t filed a report for that night or for what Titus had done to him in the woods because, truthfully, neither of those events had mattered all that much to him. Before, he’d at least been able to convince himself the reason for that was because he’d been drugged the first time and had his pheromones messed with the second.

The problem was, he couldn’t exactly come up with a solid excuse why he was currently sitting here, being hand-fed, listening to this all hopeful instead of plotting revenge against the two men who’d kidnapped and humiliated him.

There was something wrong with him.

He wasn’t normal.

He’d always known that.

Sister Grace had known it too.

He glanced at Mercy. “You call me a monster.”

The director’s brow furrowed. “Not because of what happened at the reunion, and not because I think it’s a bad thing. I don’t mean it as an insult, Calix. I never have. I’m drawn to all your broken, jagged parts. I want you to be drawn to mine as well.”

Aodhan leaned forward, hand moving to cup the base of Cal’s skull. If he noticed the way that caused him to tense, the doctor ignored it, keeping his touch right where it was. “Ididn’t decide not to kill you because you came for me that night, Detective. I decided to keep you because I liked the taste of your tears and the thrum of your heart beating beneath me. I liked the way you smelled and the sounds you made. I liked how you responded to me—even though it was against your will.”

“You really should apologize for your comment,” Titus told him. “Clearly it’s affected our Third more than you meant for it to.”

“I am sorry, baby.” Aodhan stroked the back of his head lightly. “Do you forgive me?”

“You’re insane,” Calix blurted, yanking out of the man’s grasp. “Both of you. You’ve kidnapped me and kept me locked in a room for weeks! Forget the night of the reunion. What about these past days? Third? You cannot seriously be asking me to join your pod while I’m tied up and my ass hurts.”

“Why not?” Titus shrugged.

“He claimed me while I was dangling upside down from the ceiling,” Aodhan said, grinning.

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