Page 18 of When Forever Stays

He nods solemnly as if he’s not surprised by this.

“Do you remember what it was about?” I walk over to where the blankets are pooled on the hardwood floor.

He’s silent for a long moment, and I urge him to lie back down. I pick up the sheet, tuck it beneath the mattress, and pull it over him. Rhett stares at a spot across the room. After I toss the quilt over the bed and fold it down, he finally answers.

“Every detail. I think it’s a memory.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“At some point. But not tonight.” His eyes search my face, and I notice a vulnerability that wasn’t there before.

“Okay, well, I’m going back to bed.”

He dips his head, and I turn to walk out the door.

“Dana?” he asks.

“Yeah?” I respond, not turning around, trying to keep myself from going to him again.

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” I look at him from over my shoulder. “I’ll see you in the morning.”

I shut the door behind me and tip-toe across the hall to my room. Good thing Crew sleeps like the dead when he’s off duty. I can’t imagine how awkward it would have been if Crew walked in and found Rhett in the middle of a nightmare. Or worse, found me perched on Rhett’s bed.

For the next long while, I stare at the ceiling and pray for the man across the hallway. As I do, I can’t help but ask God why He chose me for this.

My eyes fill with tears. Rhett hurt me. Bad. The fact that he doesn’t remember doesn’t change that. I can’t let him back in, and I can’t fall for him again. I need to hang on to those memories instead of basking in the sweetness he’s showing me now. The Rhett who left me is still in there. Which means he could break me all over again.

There’s not a doubt in my mind that God set our reunion in action even if I can’t figure out why. Sure, I’ve been feeling more and more hopeless and helpless living as a single woman with a burning desire to get married and have a family. A burning desire that may never become my reality. Maybe this is God’s way of giving me closure so I can finally move on.

The voices of those annoying busybodies in my church echo again through my mind. For some reason, they can’t believe I’m not married yet.

The wiser ones told me to dig into God’s word and fall deeper in love with Jesus, and I have. At least, I’ve tried. My hope has been that this stagnancy is just a small bump in the road to a firmer faith.

But this whole thing with Rhett has taken the small bump and turned it into a mountain. Something that feels impossible toscale or overcome. It feels as though God is dangling my past relationship in front of me. Making me wonder—hope—that this could be my second chance with Rhett because the desires of my heart remain steadfastly bent on choosing him.

My gaze lands on my Bible. The moon casts its light over it as if to say, “You’ll find everything you need in here.” I get up and turn on my desk lamp, closing my eyes and silently praying I open it to a passage that will help me overcome my struggle. It opens to the end of 1 Corinthians, chapter 15:

“Therefore, my beloved brothers, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that in the Lord your labor is not in vain.”

I sit and read through the full chapter, trying to figure out what God wants me to pull from it. No matter how hard I try, I cannot concentrate enough to put all the pieces together. Much like it’s been for the last many weeks.

I rest my head on my folded hands.

“Sorry, Lord, it’s not in me tonight. I don’t get it. I don’t get any of this.” I pause for a long moment. Too many times lately, my prayers are me rattling off requests and concerns, and not enough of me sitting and trying to listen. Not that I hear God’s voice audibly. Sometimes, He speaks to me through a song or hymn that I’ve listened to, or a Bible verse I’ve read. Not tonight, though. My mind is a blank void. After a few more minutes of waiting in silence, my eyes grow heavier and I can’t keep them open.

“Help me to trust You more. Increase my faith and help me grow stronger in You.”

Even though I didn’t get an answer like I hoped I would, peace washes over me, and it feels like I can take a full breath for the first time in hours. I get up and shuffle my way back over to my bed. Crashing into it, I immediately fall asleep.

SEVEN

RHETT

I jolt up in bed, startled by the violent clanging of pots and pans.

The moment I open the door and stumble down the hall to the kitchen, the smell of something savory hits me.

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