Page 40 of When Forever Stays

My nostrils flare and I purse my lips. “What about this would bring Him glory?”

Rosa tilts her head to the side. “That, my dear girl, is in your hands.”

I plop down on the sofa beside Rosa, and we sit in pensive silence. My eyes close as I pray silently. I’m not sure how much time passes, but the torment must show on my face. I hear Rosa’s tea cup clink on the saucer and I open my eyes. She takes my hands in hers. “You need to forgive him.”

Her unexpected declaration has my blood turning to ice. “How? How can you be on his side? You said yourself you thought he was keeping something from me! Rhett had every opportunity to tell me the truth of who he was–who he is–and he didn’t.”

“Did Jesus put a condition on the forgiveness of humanity as He hung on the cross? Or did He willingly die for all sins, no matter how awful they were?” Rosa’s eyes narrow, and for the first time ever, she raises her voice at me. “Forgiveness isn’t always easy. But it is necessary.”

She stares at me, but I can’t look her in the eyes because she’s right. And I don’t want her to be. I want her onmyside, not Rhett’s.

Seventy times seven.It’s a whisper in my spirit, a reminder of Jesus’s lesson on forgiveness. The first time I’vefeltGod in I don’t even know how long. It feels like a turning point. One I hope doesn’t take more months to process.

“Maybe you’re right,” I say reluctantly. “But it’s not going to be easy to forgive this. To accept all of this.” Not only did I date my teenage crush without knowing it, but he has a child with another woman. Because there’s always another woman. I choke on a sob and grab a pillow, clutching it to my chest.

Rosa rubs circles on my back. “Our plans are rarely God’s plans. Sometimes He throws a storm—or a rockstar—into our lives to teach us a lesson. Sometimes the lesson is specific, but every time the hardships hit, they are meant to push us closer to Him, the Creator of our world, our life, and sometimes, to get our attention, He allows our struggles.”

“You’re telling me,” I mumble.

She ignores me and continues. “People get it wrong a lot. They think ‘every good thing’ James talks about means that only the good things that happen to uswithoutstruggles come from God. But good things often come out of chaos, trials, and tribulations. And God’s good things often present themselves in those very tribulations. Not because He wants to hurt us or likes seeing us struggle; what He wants in those moments is for us to reach out to Him like a child reaching for their father in a time of need so He can scoop us into His loving arms and we can cling to Him as our world seems to fall apart. When we trust Him in every moment, He blesses us beyond what our human minds can even comprehend. He blesses us with His love. It’s the only love we truly need in this life. When we trust Him, He pieces our world back together, creating the tapestry He designed for us, and shapes us closer in His image.” She turns her face away and brushes a tear from her eye.

Thunder crackles in the distance, and the lighting that follows several seconds later lights up the sky in a mosaic pattern ofpurple, blue, and white. There is beauty even in the heart of the storm.

My eyes drop to the Bible I’ve neglected, sitting on my coffee table. I’ve reposted my popular videos the last few weeks because I’ve struggled to make new content. My desire to be in God’s Word has continued to dwindle the longer I’ve remained angry toward Rhett and unforgiving for his betrayal. It was hard before he returned, but now…now it’s even worse. But how can I forgive Rhett for not only abandoning me but lying to me and hiding his true identity? The longer I sit with that thought, the sicker I feel. Deep down, I know I need to forgive him. And I also know that in time, Iwilltrust him again.

“How do I forgive him? How do I weather this storm? How do I let my world fall to pieces without grabbing for the fractured bits to try and put it back together myself?” I fire my questions at Rosa, unable to hold back anything. She’s not only one of my dearest friends, she’s the person I know will answer them with honesty and wisdom.

She picks up my Bible from the table and hands it to me. “You’ll find your answers in there.” She taps the cover.

A huff of frustration leaves me. Then I swallow the lump in my throat. “No one else knows this, but since you’re already seeing that my faith is failing, I may as well tell you.”

If she’s surprised by my statement, her face doesn’t show it. She just pushes her glasses back up her nose and looks at me as though we have all the time in the world. As if she’s perfectly happy sitting here with me, listening to me complain and whine.

“I’ve tried reading my Bible, but over the last few months, it’s been difficult. Even before this mess with Rhett started, I’ve feltlike a counterfeit Christian.” I shrug a shoulder. “I haven’t been able to film new videos that have real substance.” Releasing a shaky breath, I admit, “I haven’t been able to read the Bible for my own growth either.”

Rosa tilts her head but is silent for a long moment. I scoot down the couch and pull my legs up, curling them beneath me.

Finally, she speaks up. “Our spiritual growth.” She blows out a breath and purses her lips as if she’s struggling to find the right words. “Let me phrase this in a way that leaves room for my error. Our faith shouldn’t depend on our mountain-top experiences with Jesus. Our faith shouldn’t focus on how close we ‘feel’ to God. It shouldn’t depend on how we feel at all. Our love of God isn’t a feeling but a choice. Will you choose to get up and read your Bible?” She raises a brow at me.

“I’ve tried!” I practically shout. “So many times. But every time I read the words, any understanding flees and I haven’t been able to prep a single word for the retreat.”

“That is something you’ll need to rectify.”

I give her a frustrated huff. “I’m aware. But how?”

“Stop looking at it as work. Read it because youwantto. Don’t think about whatyouare going to get out of it. When you sit down and open it up, focus on what the passages teach you about God.” She points toward heaven. “Not what it can do for you, but what you can do for Him.”

“I would have felt much better if you would have stayed with me and West through this storm, and I don’t just mean the tropical storm.” Olivia gives me one of her looks before she takes a sip of coffee. “Why didn’t you tell me about Rhett?”

She sets her mug down, her face showing traces of the hurt I unintentionally inflicted. I take a long drink of my own coffee, giving myself a few moments to gather my composure and formulate a good answer.

She and West had just landed when the rain started. Thank God they made it to their penthouse before the thunder and lightning storms started. They were stuck there since they came home. Now that the weather has let up enough for her to leave safely, she came over to check on me. West stayed back, giving us this time together.

The rain finally stopped last night after a week of downpours. For days, I couldn’t even step outside for fear of either getting blown away by the winds or getting struck by lightning. Now the sky is a cloudless light blue. Sunlight reflects off the calm surface of the ocean. The air is fresh and crisp as we sit out on the porch in my Adirondack chairs with a little side table between us holding our mugs of coffee.

Olivia nudges my foot. “Why didn’t you tell me about Rhett?” she asks again, the little patience she had quickly dwindling.

“You were on your dream honeymoon in Paris. I knew if I told you what happened, you would be on the first flight back to Amber Island. I wasn’t going to do that to you or West.”

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